Apparently, Miss Ginger's video card died! After recovering and installing several updates, Miss G got another blue screen, and then a black screen! Quelle dommage!
Miss Ginger worked through the troubleshooting guide from the Dell Website, which didn't work because the INSTRUCTIONS COULDN'T BE FOLLOWED!!! They said to "press and hold the key while powering on the system".... but they didn't say WHICH KEY!!!!
So, she made a quick phone call to India, and, as it turns out, it's the "Fn" key, and holding it when you press power starts a diagnostic that tells you with a system of blinking lights what's wrong when you can't boot up.
The ever optimistic Miss G is not even cranky about all of this, because she found out the dang thing is still under warranty!? Who knew? She figured it expired yesterday, per her usual luck, but as it turns out, it's still under warranty until June 2011!! Miss G must be living right!!
And better yet, they send a tech out to fix it! Miss G doesn't have to take it anywhere, or mail it anywhere- nothing! How FABULOUS is that? Meanwhile, she has several other ways to keep in touch digitally, so you won't have to worry about missing any of her unique insight!
You've all heard about it! Some of you may have even seen it! Very few survive it, but Miss Ginger has survived the Blue Screen of Death!!
A lot of people bitch about the Windows operating system, and it does suck that they are allowed pretty much a total monopoly in PC operating system world. But, computers are very complicated machines, and, contrary to what Mr. Jobs may wish you to believe, Mac OS operating systems crash, too!
This time Miss Ginger was lucky, as her machine seems to have bounced back, healthier and happier than ever! And Miss G learned some lessons along the way, which she will share now in random order.
1. If you suffer TBSOD, succomb to its demands!! Read the parts that aren't gibberish, and FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS! (I know this will be hard for you real men out there!) Typically, they will instruct you to shut the machine down and restart. When you do, read the screen and FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS!! Windows may offer to recover for you, in which case you are blessed. If not, it will at least offer to open in "safe" mode, which usually puts the Gods of Microsoft in a better mood, and will then allow you to recover. If you are lucky like Miss G, and patient (unlike Miss G) you will be walked through a series of updates, downloads, and restarts that will get you up and running again. 2. A few things to remember: "safe mode" is your friend. "Restore points" are your friend. "Driver updates" are your friends. TBSOD is typically caused by a faulty or outdated driver. If you are patient (and lucky) with the Windows recovery process, it will detect the bad driver, find an updated version, and install it. If you FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS! And say a few Hail Marys. Or drink a few Bloody Marys. Choose your own poison. 3. "Windows Updater" is not to be ignored. Yes, it tends to pop up and offer it's services at "climactic moments" in your browsing life. Yes, they are time consuming and annoying and often require at least one restart of your system. Yes, they are just another way that Microsoft Corporation monopolizes our time and our lives. But, they have us by the balls, so to speak. So do yourself a favor and install them. Don't let 6 or 7 updates pile up the way Miss Ginger did. That makes the Gods of Microsoft very angry! 4. Use a backup drive! And Miss Ginger means USE a backup drive... don't buy one at Sam's Club, plug it in once, and then forget to plug it in again the next time you move your computer! Miss Ginger uses has the "Clickfree" drive, and it's really cute and tiny and easy to use. All you have to do is plug it in... hence Miss Ginger's problem. They now have a wireless version, so you don't even have to plug it in. For the extremely lazy. Like Miss G.
So there you have it... computer advice from the most computer illiterate drag queen on Earth!
I mean, sure, Miss Ginger gets a little wild at times when she drinks to much, but as long as she's not driving, is that REALLY grounds to report her and have her killed?!
You can bet your sweet bippy Miss Ginger won't be visiting the Northland Region and time soon!!
And to think, up until now, New Zealand was kinda on her bucket list!
Did any of you GingerSnaps out there catch "Punkin Chunkin" Thanksgiving Night on the Science Channel?? Miss Ginger has a new favorite sport!
What could be more fun than gathering with a few thousand like minded individuals in a muddy field in Delaware to watch dronk ZZTop lookalikes fling pumpkins across 2,000 feet of mud?!
Miss Ginger has decided she wants to create a Punkin Chunker and call it "The G-Spotter"! She hoping she can convince Kengineer to help her design it. And maybe Mr. Mischief can help build it! Then, she'll have to count on her own wicked awesome fund raising skills to get the $$$ to fund the damn thing! I don't think Zombie can find a grant that would cover it!
First, Miss G will have to decide which division she wants to enter!
There is air cannon:
Catapult:
And Miss G's favorite font, Trebuchet:
For your inquisitive 'Snaps, in addition to being Macy's internal official font, a "trebuchet" is a specific kind of catapult that uses an articulated arm or a sling to extend the leverage behind the throw. So now you know!
Miss G thinks a trebuchet is the way to go! Intertia + leverage = winning combo! It's kept a lot of big things on her back for at least 2.5 minutes!
Get your minds out of the gutter!! She talking costumes!!!
At any rate, perhaps the first GingerSnapFest should take place in Nassau, Delaware, next year! Any takers?
Recalled: 34,000 Bathtub Subs, Munchkin Inc, Hazard: The intake valve on the bottom of the submarine toy can suck up loose skin, posing laceration hazard to children. Incidents/Injuries: 19 incidents of lacerations to boys' genital area. One of the incidents required medical attention.
The answer is: teach your little boy that it's rude to stick it down there in the first place!!!
Hey GingerSnaps!! Miss G wanted to give a holiday shout out to one of her favorite comediennes of all time, Paula Poundstone!! Paula, like so many of you GingerSnaps out there, celebrates Caturday every day, and has even created a special website called The Poundstone Diner Cam, where you can track her cats feeding habits, 24-7! If you catch it at just the right time, Pacific Time, you might even get to catch Paula at feeding time, filling the role of provider! She has a quirky, goofball sense of humor that Miss G just adores! Perhaps you will, too!
And the kitties and I want to go to her pet store!!!
This Thanksgiving, Miss Ginger gives heartfelt thanks for the many blessings she has received in her life! As you may assume by the somewhat tumultuous state of her faith, she's not exactly sure to whom she gives thanks, but it doesn't really matter! Jeebus, Buddah, and Allah the rest will recognize her appreciation of the gifts she has received!
She is thankful for an abundance of friends, from all faiths, locations, and walk of life! Truly, it is a blessing to come from her humble background and be given the opportunity to appreciate heritage, diversity, and the future that an appreciation for both can promise!
Miss Ginger and Boy G are truly blessed by a loving family who takes this ride called life with her! They didn't ask for a gay brother, but they got one, and it didn't change a thing! Momma G taught that familial love should be unconditional, and Miss G's bubbas have come through with flying colors! They may not love the idea- but they they love me- and that's really all that matters!
Miss G is blessed to have a FABULOUS job with a terrific company that has values behind it's brand and supports them every day! Miss Ginger is inspired to get results, give back, and win with her team every day, and couldn't be prouder to represent a company with values that align with her own!
And mostly, Miss Ginger is thankful for you, dear GingerSnaps! Without you, Miss G is just an oversized dress on a hanger in the closet; a falling red updo on a mangled styrofoam head. But, through your interest, your love, and your support, Miss Ginger comes to life every day-whether or not she tucks her junk, shaves her chest, and paints her face like a rodeo clown!! You bring Miss Ginger to life every day, and she lives to read your comments and follow your posts!
OMG! Miss Ginger has found a blog that she simply HAS to share with her dear GingerSnaps, as it will explain a lot about the crazy "lady" you have come to know as "Miss G!" "Stuff Cajun People Like" is like a walk down memory lane, straight through Momma G's kitchen!! It's a compendium of everything Cajun, and there are a few points in particular that warm Miss G's soul to no end! Here's are a few of Miss G's favorites:
Community Coffee has been the connoisseur's choice in South Louisiana since before Starbucks was even invented! It would be unheard of to enter a Cajun's kitchen west of Baton Rouge prior to noon and not smell a pot of Community Dark Roast, in an aluminum drip pot bathed in a pan of water on the stove, if you go back as far as Miss G's early childhood! East of Baton Rouge, the preferred product was "New Orleans Roast", a combination of coffee and chicory popular there. It's the only coffee most Cajun's will drink, and Momma and Daddy G NEVER traveled without a coffeemaker and a can of Community Dark Roast! So addicted were they that, the only time Momma G every traveled overseas, they arrived in London, checked into the hotel, and took a taxi straight to Harrod's to buy a coffeemaker that would work with a European outlet!! Momma G was NOT going to wake up on her first day of vacation without a cup of Community Dark Roast!
In Momma Ginger's kitchen, on the counter between the toaster and the coffeemaker, there was ALWAYS a loaf of Evangeline Maid bread. Large loaf. Thin sliced. All 5 of us boys knew exactly which bread to buy if Momma G sent you to the store for bread. Which she did. Often. Lord, the 7 of us could go through some bread! Momma G would buy 2-3 loaves when she went to the store, and put a couple in the freezer, but it never failed- right after dinner: "Oh, crap, we're not gonna have any bread for your daddy's toast in the morning! Who wants to go to the store for Momma and get a loaf of bread.. and you might as well get some milk, too!" Usually, it was whomever had most recently gotten their drivers license. Unless we were between new drivers. In which case it fell on Baby G. "Baby, get one of your brother to take you to the store to get Momma a loaf of bread. Here's $5. You can keep the change." Sounds like cha-ching- BUT- usually Baby G had to offer to split the change to get one of the brothers to drive. Still, I guess a 2 buck tip to fetch a 96 cent loaf of bread is not a bad days work!
And it was the best damn bread you ever laid a lip on! So soft- like butter! They don't sell it anywhere north of I-10!!
Lafayette is smack dab in the middle of Cajun Country- the hub city for hundreds of little country towns that follow the bayous, rivers, and lakes that surround it. (The pink area on this map is "Cajun Country") Even though Miss G grew up in Lake Charles, which was almost as big as Lafayette, we STILL went to Lafayette all the time, to shop, eat, or something! There was a little butcher shop that Daddy G LOVED because they sold these stuffed pork chops filled with Cajun pork sausage and covered in red pepper rub. They were about 4 inches thick, and so big that Momma G could make 3 meals out of hers. Daddy G would take an Igloo cooler (known in Cajun Country as an "ice chest") in the back of the station wagon and load up on pork chops, roasts, steaks, and other sundry cuts of the one true meat, and take them home and fill the freezer for months of cookouts to come! But the night of the trip, when we got home, we always had those delicious pork chops, which would we eat in their entirety! Such gluttony! What a happy child was Baby G! Miss Ginger still travels to Lafayette, but now it's all business because one of her stores is there!
Stuff Cajun People Like a charming site!! Pay it a visit- and if you leave a comment- tell 'em Miss Ginger sent you!
Mr. Mischief found out today that a classmate is dying of cancer. This is a girl in his small work group, someone he sees often. She had no idea that she had cancer, then felt ill a few days, went to the doctor, and WHAM!: "terminal cancer, hitting hard and quick!" No hope for recovery, just palliative care. She has no no husband, no kids, no parents....
Miss G has the sads for her... and others like her.... and those who interact with them daily.
And she also has the sads for our "get it and go" society that so often loses patience with the world around us!
So please, GingerSnaps- think of this girl! Think of the compassion she deserves. Think of the pain she will suffer. And think of her loneliness and desperation!
And think of her often! And think of her at the times when she can be an inspiration to us most!
Think of her when the girl at Macy's misplaces your "hold", even though it was the last size 12 on Earth! That girl could be her! Is that dress so important?
Think of her when the guy at Starbucks puts 3 Sweet and Lows instead of 3 Splendas in your triple-venti-non-fat-three-splenda latte! That guy could be her! Does that coffee really taste THAT bad?
Think of her when Socialite Barbie pulls her Benz in front of you as you turn into the garage for your checkup. Didn't she see you coming? Maybe not. She may have had something more life-changing on her mind than your left turn!
Think of her when the old lady in line at Chick fil A has apparently never been to Chick fil A in her life, and doesn't realize there is only one choice here- "original" or "grilled". That old lady could be her. Can you really be selfish about YOUR time now?
Speaking of time: when was the last time you volunteered a little of your own to help people like this young lady? She's dying of cancer. She has no family. She's gonna need some help here!
Don't let this young lady's suffering be in vain! Perhaps her purpose in life is to serve as a reminder to us all that every moment of our lives deserves appreciation and respect! Our moments on Earth are finite, and we must all use them in a way that will bring the most joy, peace, and happiness to the planet we share!
Miss Ginger implores you: give some time- give some money- or just cut someone a little slack! However you choose to give back, your giving spirit will be rewarded tenfold, especially during the holidays, when needs peak and giving all but dries up for most charitable organizations!
Miss Ginger is "stealing" a post that Howard retweeted about. She feels safe in doing that- since it isn't about music, she's pretty sure it's not earmarked for a mention on Soundtrack to My Day!
Miss Ginger remembers many Christmases where kids in the neighborhood got BB guns, although they were strictly forbidden under Momma G's tree and in her house! "You boys do enough damage to each other without weapons! The last thing I need is a way for one of you to put an eye out!" (Sidenote: do they use that phrase outside of the South? "Don't run with that pencil! You're going to fall and put an eye out?")
And even though cigarette ads seem like ancient history, Miss Ginger remembers ads like this. She also remembers every Christmas, Poppa G and Aunt Nen always gave each other a carton of cigarettes. Miss G and her wino friends exchange wine every year: is it really all that different?
Miss Ginger didn't find this ad particularly degrading, taken in strict context. I mean, in current times, she might have chosen to make dinner, because she wanted to do something special. And he's right- the beer is fine! At least the guy has his priorities in order!
At least he's not like this guy, who flies off the handle because the coffee is not fresh! Dude- stop at Starbucks on the way to the office!
Now, this ad makes Miss Ginger realize that she would make the perfect wife for Don Draper, because she would LOVE to get fabulous kitchen gadgets under her tree! Miss G LOVES her a small appliance- and NOT just the kind that run on AA batteries!!
She can see, however, how some women may find it a tad over the top sexist!
This one, she gets! Tacky as hell! And she won't even show the ones under the "racial" headline! Check those yourself on the site... IF you have the stomach for it!
By now you all know that Miss Ginger fancies herself quite the cook, and the holidays always put her into the kitchen spirit! She's not repeating her big Thanksgiving shindig of last year, however; she just doesn't have it in her! This year, she and Brother B are going out for a quiet Thanksgiving! Maybe Christmas, if the entertaining bug strikes! Meanwhile, she has been fixing herself some pretty delish meals, and she has decided to share a couple of her "secret weapons".
Miss G has blogged before about Tony Cachere's Creole Seasoning- a staple of Cajun and Creole cooking throughout Louisiana and the South! Most Cajun Momma's and Grandmomma's have a green box of Tony's right by the stove, ready to shake on anything that the rest of the world would season with plain salt. Tony's adds a red pepper, authentic Cajun spicy flavor to anything you put it on- and you can put it on just about anything! It's particularly good on chicken and seafood, and Miss G has even been known to shake it onto a big bowl of stove-popped popcorn! The great thing about Tony's is that you use it just like salt- when it's salty enough, it's seasoned just right for most people. Like it a little spicier? They have recently come out with an "extra spicy" version that Miss G looks forward to trying!! (PS: it's pronounced "sass- sha- ree!"
But even Miss G knows that Cajun Spice isn't appropriate for every food, all the time! So when she's not in the mood for red pepper spicy, she has another flavor cannon in her arsenal!
Weber Canadian Steak Seasoning may be the best thing even to come from our neighbors to the north since SCTV! Actually, it's made by a company in Memphis, so she's not sure why it's called "Canadian", but it's so delicious she's not going to pick knits! Miss Ginger buys it in a 28 oz. shaker at Sam's Club, because she puts it on everything that doesn't get Tony's, but she's pretty sure you could find it at your local supermarket as well. As you may have guessed, it's perfect on steaks, and really all kinds of beef: burgers, brisket, and Miss Ginger's newest obsession: short ribs! It's the perfect mix of salt, black pepper, garlic, and spices that make beef come to life. There's a distinct hint of dill seed, which Miss G loves on beef! But it's really good on other foods, too! Miss G finds that it's perfect on grilled lobster, and she also likes to use it in place of salt and pepper on eggs. But perhaps it's best non-beef use is just to shake it onto salad in place of salt and pepper!
Take it from Miss G- if you are looking for a way to spice up your holidays, these two products are lipstick smacking good!
Miss Ginger has never been a big fan of sandwiches. When Miss G was just a wee little boy, and Momma G was busy trying to keep up with the feeding and care of 5 hungry boys, there was only one answer to the question "what's for dinner": "Poke and grits! Poke your feet under the table, grit your teeth, and eat what I serve you!" Momma G was a great cook, so it was usually something good, but like most children, Miss G had a couple of food aversions: fish sticks, liver, and okra, to name a few. There actually was an option- Momma G ALWAYS had a loaf of white bread, a package of pink baloney meat, and individually wrap squares of orange cheese-like product in the house. If anyone didn't like what she made for dinner, they were welcome to make a baloney sandwich!
Then, there was fishing on the weekends with Poppa G. Poppa had the routine down to a science, with gassing the boat, loading the beer, and getting the stuff for lunch always the same. Lunch was a loaf of white bread, a pack of baloney, and a bottle of squeeze mustard. That was it. No pickles. No chips. Nothing else. Baloney on white bread. With mustard if you wanted it. And there was no way to cut the crusts off, either. "Tear 'em off and feed 'em to the sea gulls if you don't want to eat them!"
So when you say "sandwich" to Miss G, it conjures a vision of that loaf of Evangeline Maid Bread and that package of Oscar Mayer Baloney! Plus, living alone, she can never finish a loaf of bread by herself before it goes stale, and the baloney meat always becomes "questionable" before it's used up, so she typically doesn't buy either.
Q: When is a sandwich not a sandwich?
A: When it's grilled into a PANINI!!!
Now, Miss Ginger LOVES her a good panini, like the one shown here that she made herself for lunch today! Crisply toasted rye wrapped around melted Brie and prosciutto slices! Delish!
"But Miss G", you ask, "how did you get that crispy exterior and those beautiful brown lines on it?"
Well, dear 'Snaps, she used her newest kitchen toy, the Cusinart Griddler!!
She actually has the Griddler Jr, because it was on sale at her local Macy's and is plenty large enough for a single gal who eats like a bird! She couldn't find the small one online but they may have it in a store near you!
Now, I know many of you may have one of those stupid George Foreman Grills taking up space in your pantry, but throw that stupid thing out and get this- it's way better!
The two things Miss G likes about it most are the all metal construction and the free-floating upper plate, that lets you use even pressure to make a nice, flat panini instead of a wedge shaped one caused by a fixed hinge lid! The cooking plates lift off to go into the dishwasher if needed, but Miss G has found they can usually just be wiped off. There are no grease trapping seams or crevices like so many of these things seem to have!! As you can see by her panini above, it browns evenly and makes a nice, deep impression to multiply the crispiness beyond what you get on a flat surface!
Miss G will probably still use her outdoor grill for meats, but she is eager to try fish on this grill, where the heat will be easier to control and the flesh won't fall apart as she tries to flip it!
For quality and functionality, Miss g gives the Griddler Jr. 4 lipsticks! It's not something everyone "must have"- but if you love paninis as much as Miss G, this is the tool to use!
Earlier this week, Miss Ginger pissed off an old family friend so badly that she was "unfriended" on facebook. Not the first or last time that will happen, but that is probably the closest Miss Ginger has ever come to having someone she considers "family" reject her for who she is and what she believes, so she will admit it kinda stung.
Today, Miss G thought of her newest ex-friend when she saw this clip of Pastor Joel Osteen on the View- (ex-friend is a big fan of PaJo!)
Now, let's level the field here:
Miss Ginger is not really a fan of the View. She has a certain respect for Barbara Walters, gained partially by reading her autobiography, Audition. She loved Whoopi Goldberg in Sister Act 1 and 2, so she can't really hate on her. And even though she finds Joy Behar very nasal and annoying, the woman does come up with some funny lines! And she's always quick to defend the gays! I think there are some other women on that show, but they are insignificant to Miss G.
And in the same spirit, Miss Ginger does not particularly hate Joel Osteen. As far as she knows, he lives the pious life he claims to lead. Other than the unfortunate airline stewardess bashing, which was really caused by his trophy wife, Victoria, he has managed to build the worlds largest church without raising a whole lot of scandal. God knows he's been good for Houston- if he hadn't bought Compaq Center to expand his congregation, that relic would probably be suffering the same neglect and decay as the Astrodome. Thanks to Joel and his followers, Greenway Plaza has remained a well-maintained, vibrant part of the city!
But, Miss Ginger digresses- back to the interview.
Joy demonstrates her total lack of professionalism as an interviewer. As a matter of fact, the conversation degrades from an interview to an attack:
Rev. JOEL OSTEEN: Well first off, Barbara, I should finish that sentence. I should make it clear. I don't think it's God's best for your life, I don't think it's not God's best making us. As far as that pastor is concerned, I don't know that individual situation. I think that - I believe the Scriptures teach us that a pastor in leadership like that is not going to stay in a Christian church like ours. But I don't know whether he's, whether he should come out or not. I believe maybe being open -
WALTERS: If he's in a Christian church, should he get out of the Christian church if he's gay?
OSTEEN: You know, I think that's totally up to him. I don't know. I mean, the main thing Barbara, is we are for people. Sometimes we get stuck on -
JOY BEHAR: You know it's not a choice, Pastor. It's not a choice, and therefore I don't think that God would look askance at homosexuality in that way, because it's not a choice. They're born this way, people are born this way. They are what they are.
OSTEEN: Well, I think that's -
BEHAR: And so the Christian church should embrace that notion.
OSTEEN: Well, you know what Joy -
BEHAR: You wouldn't reject somebody that had a deformity.
OSTEEN: Yeah, no I agree.
BEHAR: Or something else.
OSTEEN: Yeah, I think that - (Applause)
BEHAR: I don't mean to say it's a deformity, but there are other things that are embraced.
Osteen doesn't fare much better. He sort of hangs his head and stammers, and just gives in to the whipping. But the he recovers, and eloquently summarizes why Miss Ginger has a hard time with the whole Bible thing!
OSTEEN: But if you came to our church, Joy, you would see people from all walks of life. We don't have a sign at the door no gays, no drunkards, no people on drugs. We're for everybody, we're not against people. So we're helping them to become -
BEHAR: But when you say that the Bible is against gays, that makes people get bullied, and bad things happen to people because of what the people say about that.
OSTEEN: Well, it's -
BEHAR: It's terrible.
OSTEEN: I think the difficulty Joy is we're not for bullying. I mean, if you follow our ministry at all, we're for uplifting people. But there's the Scripture that we can't necessarily change.
And there lies the issue Miss Ginger can't get past: "But there's the Scripture that we can't necessarily change".
So let's get this straight (so to speak): The Bible was written over 2 million years ago in a language no longer spoken, by whom we have no idea. It has been translated, interpreted, simplified, amplified, illuminated, glorified, or otherwise manipulated thousands of times over those years. Yet Osteen is willing to stand behind "scripture" that he knows can cause hatred, bullying, and ostracization! Really?! You feel good about preaching from that book? Scripture that you know has been "interpreted" to oblivion? And you are willing to preach that living your life the way you were born is a sin?
One asstit made the comment: "What if Pedophiles say they were born that way? Does that make it ok?" How crazy is that? Pedophilia is an aggressive act- a crime committed by pathetic bullies who prey upon victims who are innocent and vulnerable! The fact that Miss Asstit would use pedophiia and homosexuality in the same sentence proves her ingnorance. That, and the fact that capitalized "pedophilia" as though it were a religion worth recognition!
Several others got off on this tangent about eating seafood- apparently PaJo doesn't eat shellfish because the bible tells him not to! Two million years ago, when there was no refrigeration, anti-bacterial soap, and Clorox, it probably wasn't a great idea to eat shellfish. Someone ate an oyster and got sick, someone else wrote a psalm about it, and the rest becomes the gospel? It's crazy! Even those crazy Cajuns were smart enough to figure out that it was a sanitary issue, and realized that they would only go to hell if they ate an oyster when there was no "r" in the month!
Miss Ginger is fine with that one- it just leaves more of those luscious bivalves for her!
And finally, someone else got busy speculating about the fabric in Osteen's suits, since apparently blended fibers are an abomination in the bible. Well, all I can say is: Miss Ginger KNOWS where Osteen shops, and she can guarantee that the suits who buys are made of modern blends of wool, rayon, viscose, silk, cotton, and a myriad of other fibers. Not only would a 100% wool suit look like hopsack, he would sweat his balls off in one- assuming Vickie hasn't had them removed already!
Really, the gist of it is this: WHY are christians so damn worried about what other's do?!! The jews don't expect me to light a candelabra in December, as long as I let them leave work early on Rusha Homa! The hindus would prefer I didn't step up bugs, but they are not telling me I will go to hell if I do it! Why do the christians care what the hell I do when I close my bedroom door?! I sure as hell don't care what they do!
Kinda reminds me of a joke Daddy Ginger used to love to tell:
Q: Why is it forbidden for Southern Baptists to fuck standing up?
Muffy Willowbrook over at "My Friends are Sluts" http://www.myfriendsaresluts.com/ posted this image and her opinion of a doll called "Bebe Gloton", which, if Miss Ginger is not mistaken, translates to "Glutton Baby"! Ewe!
Miss Ginger, of course, has some favorites of her own!
What little girl doesn't dream of become a "custodial engineer?" ! I'm not talking "cleaning lady" in some posh residence in a great neighborhood! No, siree! Only the best for our little girl! She's gonna get a job cleaning offices in a proper low-rent office park, where she will be assigned her own cleaning cart, complete with vacuum cleaner, broom, and even her own tiny little purple plunger, to unclog her tiny little, stank smelling public toilets! A momma can dream, can't she? Anmd, if we're lucky, Mai Ling will grow up to be Asian, as shown on the box! "I crean cubicow! OK?!"
Or, there's the (lower case) playmobil "Airport Security" playset, complete with a scarf beclad homosexual with red pants and yellow blazer, lest ye question his sexual orientation! For those of you not familiar with playmobil, it's the European version of Fisher Price, complete with the inappropriate images and sexual innuendo that we Americans have come to expect from our Euro-trash friends across the pond! Just look how the x-ray queen's legs stiffen as he anticipated the "wanding" our traveler is about to receive from the officer at the gate! Good times for boys of all ages!!
But ridiculous imagery is not restricted to Europe! Oh, no, right here in Amurca we have freaks ready exploit the minds of children in ways most of us would never dream!
Don't want to rot your child's creativity with a bunch of plastic toys? How about a nice book under the tree? Nothing is more edumacational than reading... especially when we have a chance to learn all about Mommy's new boob job!!
My Beautiful Mommy, crayoned written by Michael Alexander Salzhauer, MD (yes folks, you read that right... "Mr. Doctor"!), explains to our little girl, in terms she can "understand", why Mommy needed silicone breast implants and collagen injections to fell "pretty". Yes, dear children, if you are willing to undergo the sedation, pain, and recovery inflicted by these surgeries, someday you, too, can dream of looking like this:
So, GingerSnaps, happy shopping! I hope you find everything you need to make your little girl happy!! and insecure. and psychotic. and bulimic. and schizophrenic. and conceited. and...
