Queen Ginger's 2012 Oscars StyleSession!

Hot off the presses- coming in faster than this old Queen can keep up- are these photos from this years' Oscars red carpet.  If I don't name names, it's because I don't know who the fuck they are, but that won't keep Queen Ginger for holding them accountable for their fashion don'ts!  Let's jump right in!

Let's start with Giuliana Rainsick, who is clearly in need of a sandwich! Her skinny arms are so out of proportion they make her fingers look like an eagle's talons! And because she has no cleavage at all, the dress required a distracting mesh panel at the top.  Queen Ginger, for one, would certainly rather have seen the tops of some luscious boobies occupying that space!

From one extreme to the other, here's that Sherry chick from the view, who is every inch of an "H" cup if not bigger!  Once she hoisted them into position and consolidated them forward so she could hold her purse, it just sort of left a fold where her cleavage should be.  For some reason, she chose to highlight this catastrophe with a dress that draws a circle around the most difficult part of her body.  Hasslewhore is probably sitting at home in her flannel nighty, watching this on TV and snickering.

Somebody asked on Facebook "when did Sandra Bullock become Chinese?!"  Good question!  I like the dress, and I love Sandra, so I'll just leave it at that!  What's not to love about Gracie Lou Freebush?!

This must be a look from one of Project Runway's "alternative materials" challenges.  If it's NOT made of plastic garbage bag, then this bitch wasted her money, because that's what it looks like!


Kinda reminds Queen G of an outfit she wore to Bunnies on the Bayou the year it rained a gullywasher!

Speaking of trash, look who just showed up from the trailer park!  Angelina wasn't sure she would look tragic enough without all of her tattoos showing, so she used a trick she learned back in her stripper days and opened her crotch and pointed her toe. Nice!  And Brad stepped away from his Corvette and gold chains long enough to take his wife to the shin-dig; what a shame that he didn't take enough time to shave and trim his mullet!  They make Queen Ginger's skin crawl!

And while we're on the subject of tattoos, doesn't Melanie Griffith look like a class act with her's showing!  Really, honey, it's a special night... Dermanblend makes a kit to cover that shit up! All your friends did it... you should have, too!

Or, just wear a dress with sleeves!  Glenn Close did, and she looks stunning!  And what a beautiful color against a- what for it.... what color did they pick?.... RED carpet!!  


You all know how the Queen feels about red on the red carpet- it looks like hemorrhage!

Jane See-more needs to take a lesson from Glenn Close and learn to dress her age- leave the toothpick arms and flat chests to the young girls!  You never want your butt to be wider than your boobs, honey!  The crumb catcher on the second dress IS practical... I hate when I drop my little baby quiche and it gets wasted once it hit's the floor. With this dress, she can just pretend like she is saving it for later! 

Of course, I guess red is better than school bus yellow, especially with bumble bee black frosting! Plus, Nancy's girl's are riding a little low- she needs those tape on booby supports- the ones that come in the pink box. I know they're expensive, dear, but if you take care of them, you can reuse them up to 6 times!

While we're talking about appropriate foundation garments, look what happens when you choose the wrong ones!  All this waist nipper did was push her junk crotchward, never the direction we want it to go!  You appear to have a bit too much junk for Spanx, darling- you need a MiracleSuit!  It will do WONDER for that jellyroll!

I love me some Mya Rudolph, but leave the Spanx for the pretty girls, honey- funny girls like us need more support than that!  You need a longline body slimmer with a good tummy panel- especially if you insist on belting matte jersey.

Here's Gwen. I love to call her that, because I KNOW it would piss her off! But in that plain jane dress, who could call her Gweneth?  It's a pretty dress, but it wants a necklace. Or some earrings? A hair ornament? Something!  You are Gweneth Fucking Paltrow!  Dress to impress!

I've got more, but I'm going to end with Meryl.  Beautiful Meryl- in a dress so fancy she doesn't need a necklace.  Plus, she has the perfect earrings- that's all she needs.


I know she's not British, but does anyone else think she should be a "Dame"?  "Dame Meryl Streep". "Dame Meryl."  I think it's fitting, and since I'm a Queen, and it pleases me to do so, to all in the realm of Ginger, the land of Snaps, and the empires and baronies under my rule, I hereby declare her The Dame Meryl Streep of Hollywood.


And that's WAY better than a handprint on some stupid sidewalk!

What Will Oscar Wear?

Queen Ginger hates award shows.  She really doesn't care who wins the most little record players, or little gold statue men, or little planets on a block of wood.  Chances are, she's not seen any of the movies, doesn't like any of the music, and hasn't had time to DVR any of of the winners.


Of these incredibly lengthy, commercial-filled programs, about the only part that amuses the Queen is the red carpet arrivals.  Those in themselves are so over-the-top pretentious with their posing, paparazzi, and label-comparing that Queen Ginger can't help but roll her eyes and think sarcastically "these people TOTALLY have their priorities in order!"


Of course, there are always some beautiful gowns on beautiful women, from which can all find inspiration and direction for the coming season.  Or, we can find these:

Perhaps the most infamous fashion gaffe ever, I'm not sure this freaky little frozen chick wanted to be pretty, funny, or just memorable.  Whatsername was none of the above. Even her shoes were ugly! And she has cankles!  Or, maybe in her case, skankles! (2001)

In 1993, the Whoopster couldn't find a thing to wear- so she swiped something out of her favorite Drag Queen's closet!  I'm still waiting for the bitch to return it! Gotta admit, though- that Wonderbra did wonders for her girls!

The most overrated woman on Earth decided in 2000 to pay homage to Angelica Huston by dressing like her.  Only, when Angelica wore this outfit, she was on screen... in the movie... playing a witch!   The Morticia Addams dress was bad enough... but did she have to wear the wig, too?!

Faith Hill did nothing to improve the mainstream reputation of country music when she wore this sherbet-colored hot mess in 2002.  It looks like her granny crocheted it for her out of scraps left over from her last potholder making project!




























But perhaps the most unfortunate red carpet moment ever.... in 2004.... when Diane Keaton woke up late, swallowed the wrong pills, and forgot who she was.  She got it half right when she showed up to the Oscars dressed as (wait for it.......)

BUSTER Keaton!!!

What were your favorite Oscar red carpet moments?  More importantly: "who" will you be wearing while watching the Oscars tomorrow?

Miss Ginger's StyleSession® Oscar Style!

(These pics were lifted from the AP, so credit is duly given)
There were,as always, some winners. and some losers on the red carpet last night, and Miss G must say it was the night of fanned-out fishtails and pushed up boobs! I'm suprised there wasn't more boob spillage (boobage?)
Anne Hathaway was the clear winner in this stunning Armani creation. She was so beautiful and the dress was so exquisite! She totallyshowed her gracious nature when Tim Gunn asked (with uncharacteristic tackiness) how much of it she would be keeping!

Penelope Cruz showed that you can wear a wedding dress again! You shouldn't, but you can. It was vintage. It was lovely. But it was someone's WEDDING DRESS! We just don't do that in our country, sweetie!

Marissa Tomei's gown was really pretty, but Miss G couldn't help but feel like the bodice looked like a stack of bevnaps fanned out on a bar. The effect worked for the skirt, but not so much for the smaller pieces at the top.

Tilde Swinton was her usual train-wreck self. Her indescribably bad garment selection perfectly complimented her Dyky Diva hairdo. I had to endure her, dear readers, so now you do, too!
Here's some boob spillage, SJP style. I'm not sure why I love her so much, I just do.

And finally, Meryl. Dear, dear Meryl. You have had more Oscar nominations than anyone in history. You have shown your enormous range in everything from comedies to dramas to musicals. And you tried really hard to wear something that was age appropropriate. Yet all you gave us was this sad, brown dress.

You are star, dammit! Start looking like one!