A Blast From the Past!

These didn't seem nearly as cheesy 20 years ago! 

Fall Cleaning?

While Princess Shelby enjoys her little romp in the fall leaves, Boy G has decided he cannot stand another moment of Miss G's clutter- something must be done!

It all started when Queen G had to haul all of her stuff down to the dining room table to make her new fall frock, since she couldn't even GET to the sewing nook in her closet!  Boy G had enough, so he started sorting, pitching, and organizing! It took two days to rifle through dresses, jewelry and other unmentionables to get our gurl (mostly) back in order!

Boy G was actually quite surprised that he was able to mate  up all of the earrings except for one, and he hasn't given up hope on that one!  As he emptied all of her finery from the jillions of ziplock bags that contained it, he sorted it into these nifty little containers that have adjustable compartments to keep the earrings together and the necklaces untangled.  Each layer contains a specific color of jewelry, and Miss G can pop out only the colors that match her outfits for the night, and take them along without having to haul the whole collection!  She so enjoys selecting the perfect stone to match her outfit, so play along with me and don't let on that you know they are all paste!

Once the jewelry was done, it was easy to sort through the rest of the various and sundry accessories she uses to accent her wardrobe, and Boy G labeled them boldly so she can find what she's looking for, even without her glasses. 


After that was all cleaned up, Boy G poured himself a stiff cocktail and took on the biggest project yet- her makeup box!  This is the Queen who has collected every free gift-with-purchase from every cosmetic brand that ever cluttered a counter, so he knew the project was going to be a big one!  Plus, he knew she had her stuff scattered through every drawer and cabinet in the bathroom, as well, so he'd really have to go through all of to get it all together! 




Now, Boy G thought he would have an easy time finding the expiration dates on all of the Queens products, but guess what: in the US, "cosmetics" don't have to have an expiration date printed on them!  "Drugs" and "medicines" do, but not cosmetics. (Incidentally, I am of the opinion that the cosmetic companies have lobbied for this to save money!)  A quick internet search brought up lots of dissenting information, depending upon who published the info, but basically, we discovered that the closer a product is used to mucous membranes, and the more liquid its form, the shorter it's useful life. It doesn't last long once the package is opened!


Here are some guidelines developed by the Queen herself:


Liquid eyeliner and mascara- 6-8 months.  Here's a trick to making mascara stay fresh longer- after the first use, break the wand off and throw it away.  Then, use disposable wands from the beauty supply store to prevent transferring bacteria from your eyes to the tube.  Ditto for liquid eyeliner- use the package brush only once, then break it off and toss it.  A quality reusable liner brush will give you more control and can be washed and sanitized. These tips are especially important for a group of drunk drag queens who tend to share everything!
Eye pencils and shadows- 8-18 months.  Each time you sharpen a pencil you are giving it a sanitary point, so as long as the color stays creamy you are probably okay. Remember to put the cap back on to make it last longer!  Use disposable wands for shadows, and ditch them when they dry and crack.
Lipsticks and lip pencils- 6-12 months. Lipstick will stay sanitary longer if you use a clean lip brush to apply it, instead of wiping the stick on your lips... but really, who does that?  When it loses it's fragrance, it's probably time to ditch it.
Foundations- 12-24 months.  Cake and powder foundations last the longest; liquid foundations spoil the fastest.  If the cake has flaked and cracked, toss it.  If the liquid has separated or lost it's fragrance, it's time to ditch it, as well.
Lotions, creams, and cleansers- 6-12 months.  Lotions with natural oils, such as almond, jojoba, etc, will spoil fastest.  As the oils become rancid, they will change the fragrance of the product, and it should be discarded.

Once the cosmetics were cleared out, Boy G went through the drawers and cabinets to ditch all of the old cold medicines, pain relievers, and vitamin supplements that were past their expiration dates.  He was certainly surprised by how much old stuff he had- some of which he had been using!
















After hauling 2 cans full of old stuff to the dumpster, Boy G organized all of the rest of the Queens stuff by use and color. Now, she can get her face on and be out the door in a flash!


When was the last time you went through your stuff? Better question- what's the expiration date on the aspirin bottle in YOUR medicine cabinet?

It's Finally Fall in the South!

Now, don't be thinking we're putting on sweaters, or raking leaves, or anything CRAZY like that!!  Here on the Gulf Coast,  "Fall" simply means the end of an infernal, humid-as-hell, seemingly endless summer, and the arrival of more moderate temperatures and a humidity level several notches below "sweaty". Lately, our nighttime temps have dropped to the 60's, with a daytime high of about 85, with an extremely comfortable 30% humidity!

Queen Ginger was REALLY reminded of Fall in Louisiana when her business trip took her down I-10, from Baton Rouge to Lafayette.  As she drove through the old plantation country, she saw truckloads of sugarcane going one direction, with truckloads of bagasse and tankers of syrup going the other!!

In the "old days", cane and bagasse were hauled by train, and every Fall, Momma G would reminisce about the cane trains coming by Aunt Nen's property, and Momma and her friend would wave to the conductor, who would throw them pieces of the sweet, stringy cane, already peeled and ready to chew!  Nowadays, most the cane is hauled by truck, and there's a lot more bagasse to haul than their used to be!

For those not "in the know", bagasse is the by-product of sugar production. Basically, it's the fibrous stems of the sugar cane that are left after they are pulverized to remove all of the sugar-rich juice.  Perhaps one of the original biofuels, bagasse made the sugar plantations some of the most efficient industries in the world at the time, because the bagasse was burned in furnaces to boil the sugar down into syrup and provide the heat for the refining and crystallization processes.  Today, most Louisiana processors create syrup from their cane, which is trucked to crystallization plants around the country.  This preserves the bagasse to be sold for more modern uses.  Today, bagasse is used to create paper, biofoam plates and cups, fuel pellets for home heating, and recently, scientists at Louisiana's ag schools have even developed liquid biofuels from bagasse! 

And worry ye not that the poor folks of the South don't have the delicious smell of burning leaves to celebrate Fall- we have our own version!  Sugar cane is a 2-year crop, and typically, what is planted in the spring is harvested in 18 months, the following October.  A farmer can get a couple of good harvests out of a field of canes, and then, he must replace them to maintain a good yield.  After harvesting the last crop from a set of roots,  the farmer will set the field afire, to burn the stubs and roots into carbon, which he will then till into the soil to provide additional nutrients to next years crops! More efficiency, and the fragrance of the burning fields can be smelled for miles- our own version of burning leaves! The burning also keep the rodent and reptile population in check, lest the farm become overrun with those nasty creatures!

My next post will cover another South Louisiana Fall tradition, and I recenlty saw Nutwood Beth's post about making apple butter.  What are the Fall celebrations and traditions in your neck of the woods?

The Red-Headed Woman in the Middle...

seems particularly offended by the term "shame-fisted"... just sayin'!

'nuf Said!

Terror in the Royal Mews!

Lena Lincoln was viciously attacked by a savage garage door this morning in the carriageway, and Queen Ginger is almost certain it was a hate crime!  That door has been nothing but trouble since it came to the palace, and it's had a real distaste for SUV's since it lost a battle with Tallulah Tahoe during Hurricane Ike!


Anyway, there was Lena, gracefully lowering her tailgate in her stately, coy way, when out of no where, this garage door came barreling down it's tracks like it's late for a meal!  Poor Lena never saw it coming, and her tail became inextricably pinned by the hinge of the door! By the time she wiggled loose, that door had made a gaping scratch down her backside! It was an expensive lesson for our girl and the Queen alike, but now we both know to make sure Lena's tail is securely tucked before we drop gates on the palace for the night!


Lena was obviously quite shaken by the ordeal, but no one was more distraught than the Queen!  We always hate to see our children in pain, but especially at such a young, innocent age!


Royal business avails, and the Queen will be quite busy for the next couple of weeks while we wait for the swelling to go down.  At that point,  the Queen can take her in for a little plastic surgery, and no one will be the wiser!  Meanwhile, Lena is wearing her dark glasses and keeping a low profile- she doesn't want this all caught up in the paparazzi!

There Comes a Time....

...when the most royal of carriages has seen it's better days and must be retired!  All those years roaming the roads of the baronies take its toll on the old girl's body... and it's tough on her coach, as well!
When Queen Ginger procured her last carriage, she thought it extremely fancy with an XM radio and a cruise control, but she has discovered that the newest carriages have some advanced safety features that no Queen should live without!  These things are more life-saving than the Royal Guard!!  So, when your next carriage bites the dust, be sure your new ride has these important safety features!

Queen Ginger knew that new cars offered back-up cameras, but what she didn't know was how effective they are, or how much safer they make one feel!  Now, in addition to 2 side mirrors and a rear-view mirror,  a driver has a fourth view of the road, directly behind the vehicle!  If Mrs. Gichraux had that on her Mercury Comet back in 1974, a young Princess Ginger's gold Schwinn might not have been crushed to an untimely death on the neighbor's driveway!  Luckily, our dear Princess was not on it at the time!


Two other features that our Queen has recently learned about have already proven to be incredibly valuable!

Using radar,  today vehicles can actually detect moving traffic in the driver's blind spot!  Long before a passing vehicle reaches the range of a driver's mirror, much less their peripheral vision, Blindspot Lane Information Systems alert the driver to passing traffic with an indicator light on the side view mirror corresponding to the oncoming traffic.  If you've ever tried to change lanes on a busy freeway, you know how difficult it can be to find a safe opportunity to enter the next lane! 

Additionally,  detectors on the sides of the car activate when the car is in reverse, creating a Crosstraffic Detection System. If another vehicle is moving toward the car in a perpendicular position from either side, a cabin tone warns the driver.  This is incredibly handy in Queen Ginger's rather short carriageway, where she is oft-honked-at while trying to back out, fasten her seatbelt, and close the garage door while putting on mascara and touching up her lipstick!

Finally, did you know that modern carriages actually offer voice command, not only to operate functions of the vehicle, but many of the Queen's personal accouterments as well?  At the sound of her command, Queen Ginger can direct Lena Lincoln to cool the cabin, change the radio station, or guide her to the nearest Arby's!  Not only that, Lena is so intuitive she can also control the Queen's crackberry, her iPad, and several other must-have devices that today's busy Queens take everywhere! No more fumbling in her handbag while driving, only to miss an important call from one of her loyal subjects!  Lena connects with the Queen's phone as soon as she tosses her tiny little handbag on the front seat, and stands vigil, ready to broadcast a call over the stereo or send it to voicemail as the Queen commands.  She can even convert an incoming text message to voice, so the Queen can stay in touch without taking her eyes off the road!


Of course, our Queen never actually DOES any of these things- she has "people" to handle all of that!  But she COULD, if she WANTED to... it just wouldn't be, well, Royal-  ya know?!