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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

There Comes a Time....

...when the most royal of carriages has seen it's better days and must be retired!  All those years roaming the roads of the baronies take its toll on the old girl's body... and it's tough on her coach, as well!
When Queen Ginger procured her last carriage, she thought it extremely fancy with an XM radio and a cruise control, but she has discovered that the newest carriages have some advanced safety features that no Queen should live without!  These things are more life-saving than the Royal Guard!!  So, when your next carriage bites the dust, be sure your new ride has these important safety features!

Queen Ginger knew that new cars offered back-up cameras, but what she didn't know was how effective they are, or how much safer they make one feel!  Now, in addition to 2 side mirrors and a rear-view mirror,  a driver has a fourth view of the road, directly behind the vehicle!  If Mrs. Gichraux had that on her Mercury Comet back in 1974, a young Princess Ginger's gold Schwinn might not have been crushed to an untimely death on the neighbor's driveway!  Luckily, our dear Princess was not on it at the time!

Two other features that our Queen has recently learned about have already proven to be incredibly valuable!

Using radar,  today vehicles can actually detect moving traffic in the driver's blind spot!  Long before a passing vehicle reaches the range of a driver's mirror, much less their peripheral vision, Blindspot Lane Information Systems alert the driver to passing traffic with an indicator light on the side view mirror corresponding to the oncoming traffic.  If you've ever tried to change lanes on a busy freeway, you know how difficult it can be to find a safe opportunity to enter the next lane! 

Additionally,  detectors on the sides of the car activate when the car is in reverse, creating a Crosstraffic Detection System. If another vehicle is moving toward the car in a perpendicular position from either side, a cabin tone warns the driver.  This is incredibly handy in Queen Ginger's rather short carriageway, where she is oft-honked-at while trying to back out, fasten her seatbelt, and close the garage door while putting on mascara and touching up her lipstick!

Finally, did you know that modern carriages actually offer voice command, not only to operate functions of the vehicle, but many of the Queen's personal accouterments as well?  At the sound of her command, Queen Ginger can direct Lena Lincoln to cool the cabin, change the radio station, or guide her to the nearest Arby's!  Not only that, Lena is so intuitive she can also control the Queen's crackberry, her iPad, and several other must-have devices that today's busy Queens take everywhere! No more fumbling in her handbag while driving, only to miss an important call from one of her loyal subjects!  Lena connects with the Queen's phone as soon as she tosses her tiny little handbag on the front seat, and stands vigil, ready to broadcast a call over the stereo or send it to voicemail as the Queen commands.  She can even convert an incoming text message to voice, so the Queen can stay in touch without taking her eyes off the road!

Of course, our Queen never actually DOES any of these things- she has "people" to handle all of that!  But she COULD, if she WANTED to... it just wouldn't be, well, Royal-  ya know?!


Bob said...

I want the carriage that drives itself, fills itself up with gas, takes itself in for service, washes itself.
Failing that, I want to be a Queen with staff to do all that for me!!

PS The new carriage is stunning!

Wonder Man said...

love the carriage

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...


mrs. miss alaineus said...

you had me at accoutrements!


Joy said...

It's amazing what they have on cars now!! I love it!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on your new ride. Happy labor Day MBC


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