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Saturday, January 31, 2009

Winehouse's TrainWreck®, er, StyleSession®

Miss Ginger's StyleSession® with British Pop/jazz singer Amy Winehouse left her a little depressed. It's a sad story of a pretty young girl whose life was ruined by fame and scrutiny. Truly, my heart goes out to Ms. Winehouse. The girl clearly has issues for which she needs help. Miss Ginger truly hopes she gets the help she needs.
Meanwhile, Miss Amy, here's something Miss G CAN help you with- that Train Wreck you call a "style"!
DO remember that you didn't start out as a freak of nature! You can be quite a striking beauty with appropriate styling!
DO work the 60's vibe hairdo! It works for you, and when correctly done, it's stylish, not weird!
DO wear cotton dresses- they are your friend! They give your very (very!) thin frame a bit of presence!

Speaking of thin, DO eat a sandwich every now and then! All those adult "treats" you enjoy make you look like you are not sufficiently nourished!
And now, Amy Winehouse, your fashion DONT'S:
DON'T wear a bra with a strapless dress- it's overkill. And it's not like you've got that much to hold up, anyway!
DON'T hang out with the Olsen twins- they do nothing for your fashion reputation! And the fact that there's more than one of them makes them look even more like sleestaks!
DON'T forget to add a stylish handbag when you go shoplifting, er, shopping! It will provide a finishing touch to your outfit and provide a place to stash your loot, er, groceries!
DON'T forget to steal, er, eat a sandwich!
DON'T wear outfit color-cooridinated to your beer can. It's gauche and pretentious!
I hope those of you who voted for Miss Winehouse are happy with Miss Ginger's presentation.
She is throwing up a little right now!

Busy Gurl!

Miss G's got a busy weekend! It's the last one before the ball! She has reinforcements coming over to help finish the backpiece! Talk to ya later!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Please Pray for Emmy and Colleen!

I found out today that my dear friend Colleen has to put down her darling cat Emmy tomorrow. I think it's one of the hardest things we have to do in life! I personally think that one of the reasons we become so attached to our animals is because they have such pure souls! They know no malice, they don't understand hate, and they think anyone with a bowl of food in their hand is the best person on Earth! I sometimes think the world would be a much more peaceful place of our souls were more like those of animals!
Anyway, Emmy is 20 years old, so her years of frolic and comfort are long gone. She will be at peace, and Colleen will have to come to terms with the fact that she has done the right thing at the right time.
And all any of the rest of us can do is pay our respects to them both!
God love you, GingerSnaps! I do!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Miss Ginger's Bette Midler StyleSession®

The Divine Miss M is truly divine, and one of Miss G's favorite performers! Personally, Miss G loves her style, but dressing such a petite frame can be a challenge! Here are some tips for Bette:

DO show off the girls! They truly are divine, Miss M!


DO wear your hair up. It elongates your look and makes you look taller and leaner!











DO favor jackets that come to the middle of the hip or a bit lower, and DO wear jackets without collars. Both of these extend the line of the body and give the illusion of height.

!





DO work the 40's, Hollywood glam vibe! On your petite frame, it's cute and timeless
AND OF COURSE, no StyleSession® is complete without some DON'TS:
DON'T wear dresses that you swiped out of a dressing room in Branson, Missouri. Or off of a cruise ship!
DON'T wear jackets with large collars or double breasts! The scale is too large for your frame and you look like you are being swallowed by your clothes. And, it's just too matronly for you!

DON'T wear matte jersey, a fabric hereby selected as Miss Ginger as the least flattering and least glamorous fabric on Earth! Sure, it's comfortable and it travels well, but you're a DIVA, not a district manager for Lane Bryant!


DON'T wear high waisted pants. It makes it look like someone stole your boobs and set them on a stump!

DON'T forget your pants! We love you, but we don't wanna see your lady business!





AND FINALLY, DON'T forget to look in the mirror. And when you do, if you see Bernadette Peters, or Meryl Streep, for God's sake, take your clothes off and start over!











Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Miss Ginger has found her Long Lost Twin!!!

When I was a kid I thought that the only person on Earth who "gets" me was my Momma, which, even from an early age, I knew was kinda unhealthy and just not right! But, try as I might, I never really found anyone else who "gets" me- until came to Blogger! Now I know there are 1,000's of GingerSnaps out there who "get" me, even though 987 of them have not found me yet! But Miss G is ever the optimist so she knows they will come!
Anyway, after Miss Alaineous posted her "25 Random Things About Me" I'm pretty sure I have found my long lost twin!
25. I always work backward because I find suspense more dramatic!
24. I'm not a big fan of ice cream. And if I eat it, I want French Vanilla. No other nationality!
23. I'm not so much a spitter, but my voice can carry across continents. Microphones are scared of me. I blow speakers. (And I damage audio equipment, too!)
22. I can't open bottles with my teeth, but I open a lot of bottles! And I have FABULOUS teeth!
21. I had lots of cavities because everybody gave me sugar when I ws a kid so they didn't have to play with me. My teeth were a fucked up mess until Dr. Mitchmore fixed them!
20. I have long thought that the retail industry was where the ADD/ADHD children all came to die! I suffer from it terribly. Self-diagnosed and untreated. It's much more interesting that way! I don't want to be a "Stepford Drag Queen"!
19. Momma taught me to read before I was 4 while we were watching TV. I could spell "Electrasol" and "Kleenex" before I could spell "cat"!
18. I laugh at everything. Cop pulls me over: I start laughing! Boss calls me out: I crack up! But mostly I laugh at bodily functions! God, farts are FUNNY! Thank You for them!
17. I love my job. It give me endless cocktail conversation. "I had this customer who was such a ___!"
16. I love anything starchy. If there's nothing in the 'fridge I'll eat one of Boy Ginger's shirts outta the closet!
15. Swearing is the funniest fucking thing on Earth! There no punctuation as effective as a well placed f-bomb!
14. I live the life of a cat. Eat. Bathe. Nap. oh. and Blog. My cats blog, too.
13. I had shitloads of record till the ex made me get rid of them. Now I wish I had them again. I hate ipods- they wander off.
12. It's easy to hurt my feelings but it's hard to offend me. There's a difference.
11. Here's a place where I'm not like my twin. I overshare. Everything. You can't shut me up. I don't follow context clues. And I'm oblivious to other people's discomfort with the subject matter. Just get me started on farts... you'll see.
10. I love to write and create, and write about my creations! I'm pretty fucking special, and if you've made it all the way to number 10, you probably realize that, too! And I love ya for it!
9. Sarcasm is a crutch and a cross I must bear. The problem with sarcasm is it's kinda like sex without a condom. It's probably okay, but that one time.......
8. I, too adore trivia, but better yet, I have 100% ESP when playing Pictionary! I'll shout out the (correct) answer when you draw the first line.
7. This is the most amazing! I am infamous for switching arguments midstream! You present me with a good debate and I'll switch sides in a heartbeat! But don't think I won't check your facts!
6. Rules are stupid. They challenge us to find ways around them, which we always do. I prefer "guidelines". They are more easily ignored!
5. I believe in "GOD" and I'm sure there is a supreme "being/thought/existence/presence" that moves us into the afterlife. The "Jesus/Bible/Saviour/Cross/Rock" story is a bit hard for me to swallow. And I don't think I will go to Hell for saying that!
4. Another exception: I HATE math! You can't bullshit your way through math, and that frustrates the hell out of Miss Ginger!
3. My cats REALLy have 82 names each! "Shelby Marie Gurlus Poodiddle Monsterina Sweet Pea..." and "Jackson Brown Doggus Boydiddle Animow Dead Kitty Daddy's Littow Clown..." They go on and on!
2. I like to be outdoors and I'm not fond of swimming, either. I could just never get that whole rotary breathing thing. "How the HELL am I SUPPOSED to breathe without picking my head up?!" Swim coaches often said I was sassy. Imagine that.
1. There are no quick answers to the problems in life, and the sooner we stop looking for them, the sooner we can start working on permanent coping. Sometimes "problems" aren't problems at all, and sometimes they define who we are! But if we force them into perspective and keep them in their place, they simply "are what they are" and they become part of the FABULOUS existence we call "Me, Myself, and I"!

Thanks, Alaina, for letting me cheat off your test! We really are soul sisters!

Let Your Voices be Heard, GingerSnaps!



Be sure to enter your vote on the sidebar poll! Miss Ginger couldn't possibly count all those votes by hand! That's why God invented computers!

Naive!

I mean: c'mon! What kind of girl would leave perfectly good porn at her boyfriends house?!

Grab a Tissue!

When Miss Ginger posts a sports video, you know it must be good!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Miss Ginger's Next Celebrity StyleSession®!

From the looks of your comments, you GingerSnaps had as much fun with Miss Ginger's last style makeover as she did! Yasmin suggested Oprah for the same treatment, and I couldn't agree more! Leave a comment and let Miss Ginger know what YOU think of Oprah's style, and let her know which celebrity YOU would nominate for a Ginger Grant makeover!










DO keep things structured! This elegant gown hits you in all the right places and shows off your best ass, er, assets.


DO wear red- it's a great color on you!






DO play up your best assets! Those girls are fierce, and your decollate is one of your most attractive features. And guess what: our collarbones never get fat!






DO worship the trench shape, and shirtdresses that mimic the shape. It's sophisticated, it can be dressy or casual, it's comfortable and classy, and it's very tolerant of weight fluctuations! Face it, Opie- we all fluctuate!

DO keep it simple. This high quality, well-made white blouse is classic, classy, and attractive. The oversized collar keeps it from being too basic, and the exposed decollate is a real win for you!








AND NOW A FEW DONT'S:
DON'T disrespect the girls- ever! This bad knit dress smooshes them all into one big ugly uniboob! Lift and separate, girl! You're old enough to remember those Jane Russell commercials!


DON'T wear knits- especially on TV! They show shapes we don't want shown, and they tend to wrinkle, pucker, and gather in the most unflattering places!



DON'T forget to use the 3-way mirror in the fitting room! It's a girls best friend! Outfits that look great from the front may have bunches, folds, and uglies on the sides and back the are just magnified by television cameras and red carpets!


DON'T wear crazy collars or silly neck treatments. They're never as cute as they seem to be in the store! And we "play" with them all day, which is seriously unnatractive!






DON'T maintain your addiction to heavy metals! All these metallic and shiny fabrics you wear show every bump, wrinkle, crease, and fold you don't want shown. And television lights and flashbulbs always seem to bounce the light off of just the wrong place!







And finally, DON'T wear purple and ernge on the same outfit ever again! Promise me!










Miss Ginger LOVES her some Oprah, and hopefully the poor girl can get consistent with a style that will catch Stedmon, or Gail, or whomever she's chasing, and get them to settle down with her once and for all!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Miss Ginger's First (but probly not last) Celebrity StyleSession®

You may not know, but Miss Ginger is an experienced stylist, among her many talents. Not hair stylist, a "style" stylist. She and Boy Ginger have both done it professionally for years.

So much has been made of Aretha Franklin's inauguration hat lately, which Miss Ginger personally loves. Many have criticized, however, calling it "ridiculous" and such.
It was a good fashion decision. Much better than some other's that Aretha has made during her long, illustrious career.


Miss Aretha is a DIVA beyond compare, for sure, but let's work her through some fashion "do's" and "don'ts". You know Miss Ginger's goal in life is to make the world a more beautiful place. Why not start with the Queen of Soul?











Aretha is a beautiful woman, so this will be easy. And even though this picture is "older", it shows what a beauty she can be with a little styling magic!

DO wear large accessories! You're a big girl, so you can pull them off. And you're a DIVA, dammit, so you really need to be making a statement!







DO stick to rich, saturated colors. They make us look more vibrant, which we need as we get older!














DO cover your arms! Honey, no one wants to see all that excess motion when you're belting out a poignant moment in your performance!


DO wear structured garments made of a fabric with body and shape. At our age we need all the help we can get!



















DO go for dresses that have substantial straps that can conceal a supportive bra.



AND NOW THE DONT'S:
DON'T wear spaghetti straps, ever. One glance at this photo will tell you that pasta is not your friend, gurl! And, God love you,
DON'T wear yellow. It makes you look like a school bus.









DON'T dress yourself for a Red Carpet event- ever! That's why God invented professional stylists. Use them! And hire one for your arm candy, also! That way, you won't leave the house looking like the black "Divine", and your date won't look, well, just ridiculous!





DON'T leave the house with proper undergarments- especially a well-fitted and supportive brassiere! A properly fitted and appropriate bra will hold the girls midway between the elbow and the shoulder, not down near the waist! A well-fitted bra will make any garment look better, it will improve your posture, and will even make your back feel better!




and it will prevent some ill behaved blogger from superimposing 2 of America's largest states on your boobs!








Now, you KNOW Miss Ginger did not digitally deface that photograph- she found it that way on the internet! Honest, she's not that good with Photo Shop! She WAS looking for the original picture, but when she couldn't find the original but did find this doctored version, she thought "it does get the point across!"

So, Aretha, darling- you got it going on! And you know what to do! Just do it, and keep a good stylist handy to make sure you do! Miss Ginger is available on retainer if you need her!

Miss Ginger is SUCH a Tease!

Miss Ginger cannot tell you what her Mardi Gras costume is, because that would ruin the surprise! Bu she has decided to tease you with a few bits and pieces! Here is part of the headpiece:



This is the actual garment:









And here is a shot of the backpiece, a work in progress.
Can anyone guess what Miss Ginger is going to be? Check out the Krewe website for the Theme of the ball, which will give you a good hint! Leave a comment with your guess!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Something to Think About...

Miss Ginger tries very hard to be as beauiful on the inside as she is on the outside. It's very hard sometimes, as our world is sometimes not as beautiful as we'd like it to be. But we can make beauty every day, through random acts of kindness.

Nutwood Beth sent me this email forward. I've never gotten an email forward from her before, so I knew it must be pretty special if she had sent it on. It touched me more than you'll ever know, Miss Beth, because it hit pretty close to home one several accounts.

When my oldest brother Arthur was sick and dying, my brothers and I gathered around him to help him finish out his time here on Earth with as much dignity as we could provide. That is what our Mother taught us, and we did it out of love, respect, and duty to our family and ourselves. We felt fortunate that we were able to do this for him, and it was truly an exerience that shaped my adult life.

I've always wondered how people who don't have the strength of family and close friends cope. I certainly think it would be twice as hard to be beautiful on the inside if I had to face the ugly of the world all alone!

The Cab Ride

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I walked to the door and knocked. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.
By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.
There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated'.
'Oh, you're such a good boy', she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'
'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.
'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice'.
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.
Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'.
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
'How much do I owe you?' she asked, reaching into her purse.
'Nothing,' I said
'You have to make a living,' she answered.
'There are other passengers,' I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.
I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift?

What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.
We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.
But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID ~BUT~THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.
You won't get any big surprise in 10 days if you send this to ten people. But, you might help make the world a little kinder and more compassionate by sending it on and reminding us that often it is the random acts of kindness that most benefit all of us.
Thank you, my friend...
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.




Anyway, my dear Beth, sending me this was your random act of kindness for the day! Now, Miss Ginger will have to make one happen for someone else!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Of Course Miss Ginger Loves "THE HAT"!

When was the last time the world was set abuzz by a hat??









The last time Miss Ginger remembers hats being so talked about was when Bella Abzug ran for Congress!










But those who have followed Miss Ginger since last spring know she's a big lover of big hats!




And speaking of big hats, time flies in GingerLand and it will be Kentucky Derby time before you know it! And that means Houston celebrates the Derby, Miss Mint Julep style! Miss Ginger will host the big shindig once again this year, the first Saturday when our Texas weather is just beautiful! Start making your hats now, darlins', because our second year is going to be even more FABULOUS, and will raise even more money for Legacy Community Health Services!

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