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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Next Food Network Stereotype...

Miss Ginger finally caught up on the DVR so now she can catch up on the Minx's FABULOUS foodie blog, MinxEats! I know the Minx and I are soul sisters because we both hate Rachel Ray's guts... and Sandra Lee's... and now Melissa D'Arabian.

Now that we're down to the final six, Miss G has decided to
share her take on the few contestants left on "The Next Food Network Stereotype".

Miss Ginger wanted so badly to like Serena, but she worked my last drag queen nerve. Plus, Food Network already has a beautiful WOP, so they didn't need another! She cooked pasta, talked fast, and lost her train of though a lot. If I wanted to hear that, I could just
phone my great Aunt Gina! I'm glad she's gone, but I'm not sure much of what's left is any better.












Aria Kagan is a whiny JAP with no culinary talent and even less personality! I mean, c'mon, honey- where's the funny grandmother stories- the crazy aunt stories- the high-pressure mom stories? And matza? And borsht! People love that ethnic shit! We're all dying to know how gefilte fish is made! Don't be afraid to be Jewish, honey! With a name like Kagan, it's all ya got! And Jewish names seem to work well on the Food Network, if ya haven't noticed!















Then there's Tom Pizzica, who's best bet would be to start a food truck called "Pizzica's Pizza". His food is hit or miss, but his show should be called "Hit or Mess!" He's just a big messy, clearly straight slob! Why would anyone want to watch that cook on television?















If Herb's show were called "The Shirtless Chef", Miss Ginger would tune in every week! Unfortunately, this show is on Food Network instead of Bravo, so we haven't been given given so much as one gratuitous tooth-brushing scene! His transition from "The Energy Chef" (y-a-w-n!) to "Cucina el Sabor" (or somesuch) hasn't really improved his chances of winning in my book, though it might help Food Network reign in the hispanic viewer.













The dork with the hat from Austin is the best chef on the show, because he's been to culinary school. Unfortunately for him, he has all the personality of the wet furball upon which Miss Ginger just stepped (thanks, Jackson!) so there's no future here for him! Neither one of the plain white guys will win.















That leaves Aarti, ready to tape a full season of Aarti's Party for Food Network. She's so cute, so sweet, and so genuine- plus, her food looks really good! And, she's Indian, and we don't have one of those on Food Network yet! Pan-asian is the second fastest growing demographic in the US, so of course Bean Counter Fogelberg wants her to win! Unfortunately for Aarti, she chose not to "friend" Miss Ginger on facebook, directing her instead to a "fan" page.



Uhm, gurl- 'scuse me! You ain't a drag queen yet, so you aint's got no fans! You just keep cookin' your tandoori yardbird and shit now that Miss Ginger has put the gris-gris on you! You'll be lucky if they let you play Mulan on the Disney Channel!


3 comments:

Lisa said...

AMEN and pass the cheese grits and fried chicken back my way. I hate RR and a few others too. I'll be watching the next installment of master Chef because a 1998 SFASU grad will be competing....let's see if he can cut it...

Bob said...

"I know the Minx and I are soul sisters because we both hate Rachel Ray's guts... and Sandra Lee's... and now Melissa D'Arabian."

I'll join and we'll make it a trio!

theminx said...

LOLOLOLOLOL! Aarti wouldn't friend me either. Aria did, however.

I completely agree with your assessment of the characters. But you have to admit - any one of the remaining Wanna-bes would be preferable to Melissa d'Arabian!

xoxoxoxo

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