The butt doctor said that Boy G does NOT have hemorrhoids! And, she said that was good news!
What Boy G has is an "anal fissure".
A fissure, as demonstrated by the photo above, is a crack in the surface. In the case of an anal fissure, it's a crack in the surface of one's crack. If you have the stomach for it, google "anal fissure" for the true picture. Queen G couldn't bear to post it!
The bad news is, an anal fissure is much more painful than hemorrhoids. This explains the throbbing, relentless, sleep-preventing pain that our poor Boy has been experiencing!
The good news is: the prognosis is much better! Fissures often heal on their own, but since this one has lasted 3 months, it's probably going to need some help! So, the doctor prescribed a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory to help with the pain and inflammation (the narcotics the Boy has been taking may actually make things worse!) and a compound containing nitroglycerin to help the thing heal. The nitroglycerin will improve circulation in the area to promote natural healing. If those haven't worked in about a month, the doctor may try a botox injection to help relax the area, again with the goal of giving the wound time to heal, and giving Boy G the smoothest, most wrinkle-free puckerhole in all of Texas!
Finally, if all else fails, the surgery for a fissure is much less invasive and much less painful than the surgery for hemorrhoids!
So, GingerSnaps, the message here is simple: be kind to your assholes! If something doesn't feel right, don't brave the pain: see your doctor! Don't be embarrassed! Think of it this way: your doctor sees more assholes in a day than most of us meet in a lifetime! Why should YOU be embarrassed about THAT?!