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Thursday, December 22, 2011

Good News!!

Sort of!  

The butt doctor said that Boy G does NOT have hemorrhoids!  And, she said that was good news!

What Boy G has is an "anal fissure".

A fissure, as demonstrated by the photo above, is a crack in the surface.  In the case of an anal fissure, it's a crack in the surface of one's crack.  If you have the stomach for it, google "anal fissure" for the true picture.  Queen G couldn't bear to post it!

The bad news is, an anal fissure is much more painful than hemorrhoids.  This explains the throbbing, relentless, sleep-preventing pain that our poor Boy has been experiencing!

The good news is: the prognosis is much better!  Fissures often heal on their own, but since this one has lasted 3 months, it's probably going to need some help!  So, the doctor prescribed a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory to help with the pain and inflammation (the narcotics the Boy has been taking may actually make things worse!) and a compound containing nitroglycerin to help the thing heal.  The nitroglycerin will  improve circulation in the area to promote natural healing.  If those haven't worked in about a month, the doctor may try a botox injection to help relax the area, again with the goal of giving the wound time to heal, and giving Boy G the smoothest, most wrinkle-free puckerhole in all of Texas!

Finally, if all else fails,  the surgery for a fissure is much less invasive and much less painful than the surgery for hemorrhoids!

So, GingerSnaps, the message here is simple: be kind to your assholes!  If something doesn't feel right, don't brave the pain: see your doctor! Don't be embarrassed! Think of it this way: your doctor sees more assholes in a day than most of us meet in a lifetime!  Why should YOU be embarrassed about THAT?!


Bob said...

Hemorrhoids just sound awful, but an "ass fissure".


Hope it all ends well for the Boy G.
No more, "Fire in the hole!!!"

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Glad to see the update, hang in there.

Mr.Mischief said...

Miss A has taken this to heart and is being extra kind to her boss right now ;)

mrs.missalaineus said...

i just want my miss ginger full tilt better! i am glad you are speaking out because our society tends to be so closed mouthed about bathroomy things, many people would suffer less if they were less embarrassed about how our bodies work and what needs to be done to keep them working correctly for optimal health- i know i suffered from that fear when i was going through the colonoscopy experience-


Beth said...

Hey, that's what Kevin on "The Office" has, so you're in fictional character company!

This sounds like a much better prognosis than the 'roid possibility. I hope it heals up soon and you don't have to deal with surgery. Good ass news!


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