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Monday, May 23, 2011

Jackson Brown Manuel Burch 10/1/2008 - 5/23/2011

Rest in peace, little buddy.  I will always remember our time together!

It's over.  His little body just couldn't deal with 3 defective organs.  Troubles with his pancreas were making his blood sugar bounce all over the place, making it extremely difficult for the doctors to regulate his insulin.  At home, it would have been impossible.  Had he suffered only from fatty liver disease, he wold have begun to bounce back by now. With his liver, pancreas, and gall bladder all diseased, his kidneys would have been the next to go.  Better to stop his suffering now. He didn't have any fight left.

God! That was hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life, even though I've already practiced twice with humans!!  Difference is, with humans, we had discussed it.  In fact, I had PROMISED to make things swift when we knew it was time to go.  Even though I always told Jackson that I would always take care of him, I wonder if he understood that meant up to the very end?

When the nurse brought him to me today, he was some limp, and lifeless.  He seemed aware that it was me, but didn't have the strength to respond much to my touch.  Seeing him like that made my decision clear, and after the doctor went to prepare and left me with him for a moment, he got all kinda squirmy and restless.  He seemed to be trying to turn over, so as I turned him feet down, I could tell he was trying with all his might to get into our "nap" position, with me lying on my back, and him sitting on my belly, with his paws on my chest and his head snuggled up under my chin. I slouched down in the chair as much as I could, and got his little butt and paws into place, but he wasn't strong enough to hold his head under my chin.  He just kind of rested it on my chest between his paws and stayed that way until the doctor came in.  That's the position in which he died, and that's the way it should be.

Shelby and I can't begin to thank you all enough for all of the kind words of support you have posted, tweeted, texted, and emailed.  The house is oddly, eerily quit right now.  The dings on my phone indicating a message are a welcome distraction.

I can't really talk much- I get too choked up, so I'm glad to have this format to express my grief, anxiety, and profound depression.  I know it will get easier. It just hurts so much at the moment.

Animals are the purest souls. I KNOW he is in a better place. And I know Poppa G will take care of him, and he'll sleep on Poppa G's belly... it's shaped just like mine!


Bob said...

I know all too well what you're feeling.
Just know Jackson is no longer in pain, and he loved you as much, or more, than you loved him.

David Dust said...


I'm sure Emmy is looking after him as well.


Kailyn said...

So sorry to hear he wasn't able to pull through but at least he's not suffering now.

Beth said...

Good night, sweet prince.

You gave him a wonderful home while he was with you, and you eased his suffering at the end. I don't doubt for a moment that he knew that you were holding him and he was in your arms when he passed. I'm certain that that was a comfort to him.

It's been some years--maybe 15?--since I had to say good-bye to my sweet Sasha, and then not too long later, the sweet Jools. I still get choked up when I think about it now, and that won't ever change. But I know that they knew they were well-loved, and that is a comfort to me. I hope Jackson knowing that he was well-loved will be as much of a comfort to you.

Sending you lots of love and strength, my friend.

Hugs, Beth

Eric Arvin said...

So sorry :-(

mrs. miss alaineus said...

i am so sorry for your loss. i wish there was something more i could do than offer my heartfelt sympathy. please know we have been where you are and we are thinking of you.


Anonymous said...

So, so sorry for your loss. Animal deaths are just as hard to cope with as people deaths. And yes, that decision to euthanize is the most difficult decision to make. However, our pets usually let us know when the right time is. It's nice that you were there with Jackson. I'm so glad I was with my dog when she passed on at age 15. I still miss her after 16 years. I've had to go through two bird passings in the last decade, and they are just as sad. My tame, talking starlings were 15.5 and 17 when they died and I still miss them. I have a sassy young one now, thank goodness. Hug Shelby extra tight.

Miss Ginger Grant said...

Anon: thanks for your kind words! I wish I knew your identity!

Joy said...

Clancy and Columbo will welcome him. My thoughts are with you. It does get better and missing them honors the love they gave and received.


Lisa said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and Shelby. Jackson is now with all the pets we all loved and miss. He joins Eraser and I know that all of them are looking over us.

Time is the best healer, so just let the feelings wash over and through you. Do not beat yourself up and allow yourself the time you need to grieve.

Purrs and head butts from Sassy....

Dan said...

Big hugs and Kisses Sweatheart!


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