|Rest in peace, little buddy. I will always remember our time together!|
It's over. His little body just couldn't deal with 3 defective organs. Troubles with his pancreas were making his blood sugar bounce all over the place, making it extremely difficult for the doctors to regulate his insulin. At home, it would have been impossible. Had he suffered only from fatty liver disease, he wold have begun to bounce back by now. With his liver, pancreas, and gall bladder all diseased, his kidneys would have been the next to go. Better to stop his suffering now. He didn't have any fight left.
God! That was hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life, even though I've already practiced twice with humans!! Difference is, with humans, we had discussed it. In fact, I had PROMISED to make things swift when we knew it was time to go. Even though I always told Jackson that I would always take care of him, I wonder if he understood that meant up to the very end?
When the nurse brought him to me today, he was some limp, and lifeless. He seemed aware that it was me, but didn't have the strength to respond much to my touch. Seeing him like that made my decision clear, and after the doctor went to prepare and left me with him for a moment, he got all kinda squirmy and restless. He seemed to be trying to turn over, so as I turned him feet down, I could tell he was trying with all his might to get into our "nap" position, with me lying on my back, and him sitting on my belly, with his paws on my chest and his head snuggled up under my chin. I slouched down in the chair as much as I could, and got his little butt and paws into place, but he wasn't strong enough to hold his head under my chin. He just kind of rested it on my chest between his paws and stayed that way until the doctor came in. That's the position in which he died, and that's the way it should be.
Shelby and I can't begin to thank you all enough for all of the kind words of support you have posted, tweeted, texted, and emailed. The house is oddly, eerily quit right now. The dings on my phone indicating a message are a welcome distraction.
I can't really talk much- I get too choked up, so I'm glad to have this format to express my grief, anxiety, and profound depression. I know it will get easier. It just hurts so much at the moment.
Animals are the purest souls. I KNOW he is in a better place. And I know Poppa G will take care of him, and he'll sleep on Poppa G's belly... it's shaped just like mine!