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Monday, May 23, 2011


Humor us one more day and we promise to get back to our normal, FABULOUS selves.

This has been a tough day for Shelby and I.  Much as the doctor had warned,  she has been verrrrrry clingy, but otherwise relatively normal.  I have seen her feed and drink, which is great, but she doesn't seem to be using the litter box. That's something I will call about tomorrow if it doesn't resolve itself.  Maybe she's using the one upstairs that Jack rarely used. Surely, she's been today or she'd seem a lot more miserable!

I'm tormented by smells today. When they brought Jackson to me, he smelled horrible- like a dirty baby. That putrid milk smell that a baby gets by the end of the day.  Combined with wet cat. I never want to smell that smell again!  In addition, in a fit of poor judgement, I tied the crawfish shells from the weekend in a plastic bag and put them in the outdoor garbage bin.  That was a bad idea... it was 90 degrees today.  The yard reeks, and the garbage man doesn't come until Thursday.  And to top that off,  I think a possum has died under the house. I get a faint wiff of it here in the office, and the downstairs bathroom filled with fleas last night, which always happens when something croaks beneath the floorboards. At least they seem to confine themselves to the bathroom, which I think is because the floor there is white. I really wish I could just turn my nose off for a while. Instead, I've chosen to shove it into a glass of wine.

Believe it or not, this is the first time in my adult life that I have experience the loss of a pet, and the first time I have had to put one down.  We had an Irish Setter for most of my childhood, and she died the summer between high school and college. Natural causes. I wasn't home at the time. It was sad, but not terrible.

Today was terrible. After having lost 4 grandparents, 2 parents, a brother, numerous aunts and uncles, and many, many friends, I thought I was a grief warrior! Grieve, yes. Take your time, yes. Time will heal, yes.  Yet somehow, this was different.  My pain initially was much more intense- the tears were like acid running down my face.  I cried harder, longer, and much more intensely than I did when Momma or Daddy died. When they died, I felt blistered. It hurt. I wasn't going to die from it, but it hurt.  And it lingered, and different things would irritate it and make it worse again. It seemed like every time I walked, I rubbed against that blister and irritated it again.

This was more of an acute pain, like a stab, or a cut.  It hurt really bad when it happened, but now, it seems bandaged, and as long as I'm careful, I think it will heal quickly and leave one of those scars that reminds you how much fun you were having when you fell. He was my first cat. He came into my life with my first live in lover.  He stayed with me after I had my first real breakup.  And now he's gone.

I still have Shelby, thank god!  And my little Nog, the one I worry about the most, is healthy and happy and ruling the back yard.  And I'm sure there will be other cats in my future. Maybe I will find them; maybe they will find me.  But Jackson will always be my first kitty, and that means he will always be a special kitty.  And I thank ALL of my kitty loving friends for their love, support, understanding, and patience!

It would probably do me good to get out. But I don't want to leave Shelby alone. She's never been alone. As luck would have it, I had planned a few days "staycation" this week to try to get some things done. So much for that. But at least I have a couple of days to keep an eye on Shelby, and I am thrilled that I have my GingerSnaps to talk to.  You all mean the world to me!


Joy said...

I've been through this several times, and it doesn't get easier. It seems that it gets worse when others die because of all the ones before. You will be able to love other cats, but I still miss my favorite one and will miss Brigit so much I'm not sure I can go through this again after she's gone.

Just know how much we understand and care about you. I'm sending you many big hugs and lots of love!! xoxoxoxoxxoxo

Anonymous said...

Liz and I will keep youll in our thoughts-we had to put 2 doxie's to sleep last year. It is heartbreaking to make the decision, but we surely did not want them to suffer. Let me know if I can help you with anything. MBC

mistress maddie said...

I know I texted you earlier, but hugs to you again dear one!

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

It never gets easier, especially when they are special kitteh's. Hugs to you.

Miss Ginger Grant said...

MBC: I'm counting on you to help me get Shelby through this! She is so confused! I'm off through Wednesday, so if you could look in on her Thursday that would be great! Love you, and thanks for helping me take care of Jack!

Beth said...

When I had to have Sasha (also my first cat) put to sleep, I called in to work and asked if I could come in a couple of hours late, so that the day shift would be gone. I didn't want to talk to anyone, and my eyes were so swollen from crying that I looked like I'd been punched in the face. I know how much it hurts.

You and Shelby can comfort each other. She will needs lots of extra lovins, as will you, and you will be a big help to each other. Just go with the flow, and if you want to cry or be sad, do it. If you want to have an extra glass of wine, do it.

Hang in there, sweetie. You'll get by with a little help from your friends...human and feline!


mrs. miss alaineus said...

it hurts so much more because our pets are the only people we will ever have a relationship with who never, ever, never judge us. they trust us with every fiber of their being. again, i am so sorry for your loss. i'm glad you have a couple of days to process all of this and to help your other kitteh adjust.


Bob said...

I know exactly what you mean.
It's because our animals truly love us unconditionally, without judgement.
When i met Carlos he had seven cats and a poodle, and in the ensuing years we have lost them all; some to illness, some to old age, and others in ways that still make my heart ache.
Now, we have four cats and the Pocket Dog and yet I still worry about something happening to any of them.
That pain, that loss, doesn't seem to go away, quickly, if at all.
I can feel your pain and take some of it for you.


theminx said...

I've lost two dogs, two cats, and a parakeet, and none of it was easy. With our cats, at least, they didn't seem to miss each other when one suddenly disappeared (and they were siblings!) so we only had to deal with our own grief. Which was bad enough.

hugs and kisses to you

Lisa said...

I had to put down my daughter's dog when she was away at college and then I had to put down Eraser on Good Friday. Both were hard decisions but the right thing to do for each one.

Pets are the one true love in each of our lives that loves us unconditionally and trust us unconditionally.

One thing that helped me was to make a collage of pictures of Eraser. I have a collection of them from day one to day last and when I am sad and missing her I look at the pictures and smile. I know she is still with me and that has really helped.

One day at a time, one step at a Shelby and let life bring you the next adventure when you are ready.

Much love from me to you....


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