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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Boy Ginger's Back....

No, he's not been away. Miss G is referring to his spine. Our spine. (Damn, speaking of dual gender identity in the 3rd person is difficult!) Anyway, it hurts!

It has hurt for YEARS!! Boy G remember vividly the first time it gave him problems. It was August of 1988. He was at work, walking down the aisle, not a care in the world, and BAM! It was like someone shot him in the back! He doubled over and fell to the floor in pain! Once someone came over and helped him to his feet, he could not stand erect (no cracks, bitches!) and spent the next few weeks slumped over like an old man! The doctor gave him anti-inflamatories and muscle relaxers, but his life has not been the same since!

Since then, he's seen orthopedic surgeons, chiropractors, physical therapists, massage therapists, podiatrists, chiropodists, massage therapists, and even an accupuncturist! Nothing helps!

It's not terrible all the time. To understand the way he describes it, think of one of those little toy dancing dolls you get at Disneyland. You know, the ones with elastic through the legs... it's tight when it's untouched, but when you push the little button at the bottom, the elastic relaxes and the little monkey dances and wiggles and everyone giggles. Well, in Boy G, someone took the elastic out that runs from his left foot to the base of his neck and replaced it with a stiff, rigid wire... a rod, almost! On the best of days, it's like a stiff wire that doesn't bend as easily as the rest of the body. On the worst days (or weeks, like the last few) things sieze up all around it, making everyday motions painful. Currently, it's siezed up around the right side of Boy G's neck, and there's another spot under his left shoulder blade. That point feels like someone shoved a screwdriver up under his shoulder blade and left it there! Misery!

Anti-inflamatories (NSAIDS) don't help. Muscle relaxers don't really help other than inducing sleep. Immobilization just makes things get stiffer. The closest we can get to relief is to alternate cold compresses (ice packs) and heat therapy (hot baths). It may not fix anything, but at least the bath part feels good! After the quack of an accupuncturist and the $7,000 bill from the best of the physical therapists (not on the insurance plan!) the Gingers pretty much decided they were doomed to a life of misery. She's grown tired of doctors telling her that her back hurts because she is fat! She is fat because her back hurts too much to exercize! She's grown tired of doctors who tell her that her back hurts because she is old! She ain't that old- and the doctors who are telling her this are older than she is, and they are running marathons and shit!

So, at the Krewe's Red Explosion party the other day, she ran into Dr. Kenneth Lester, a local, gay, adorable chiropractor. She's known him socially for a while, not well, just casually, but her neck was killing her and the alcohol wasn't helping, so she walked up to Dr. Ken and said: "If I come and see you professionally, do you think you can do something about my back and neck, or will you just tell me it's because I'm old and fat like everyone else does?!" Dr. Ken flashed me that adporable smile and said "I promise you it's not because you are old and fat! It's about having less pain today than you did yesterday. Come see me and we'll come up with a plan!"

Sooo, Boy G is going to visit Kirby Health and Wellness tomorrow. Even if it doesn't help, the eye candy will be worth the appointment!


David Dust said...

I don't believe in going to the doctor - much less one of those Chiropractor Witch Doctor Shaman Healer people. But my old and fat ass would be in that waiting room every week to see that cutie!!!

Honey - I am so sorry you are in pain. That must just be miserable. Let's hope Dr. Ken can cure what ails ya!!!

Feel better.


Zombie Mom said...

Sweetie - I had no idea that you were a fellow sufferer. Did you know I have a compressed nerve root- such a bitch it is.

Anyway, I am so sorry you are in pain. Its a pivotal point in ones life, right? Before pain and after pain.

Like you- acupuncture, chiropractor, orthopedists, physical therapy, massage therapy, GPs, pain clinics, neurologists, etc.

Anyway, I am sorry you are in pain. The only thing that helps me is exercise- I hated bitches who told me that. But a big reason why I run is it changes up my pain threshold. I took loads of pills, booze, etc. None of it worked.

I hope cute Dr. Kirby helps you. I can honestly say- while I am still in pain, still cannot feel my left hand and parts of the arm- I am so much bette.

Joy said...

Hope Dr. Cutie Patootie helps your back. What have they said is wrong with it?

mrs. miss alaineus said...

good for you. i also hate going to the doctor.

i am sure the recent cold snap down there hasn't helped either. i've had my knee scoped out and the cold just makes it move like it's full of molasses.


Beth said...

awww Miss Ginger! that sucks..and not in a good way either. ;) I'm sorry you're in so much pain..but this cutie is TOO cute. You'll feel better just looking at him, even if he never touches your body! and I hope he DOES touch your a good way.

keep us posted. love ya!

Michael Rivers said...

Great eye candy helps just about every situation! Good luck!

mistress maddie said...

I was wondering where you have been. I'm sorry to hear that. I had a very minor back problem once and I was told it was from wearing heels to long. Hell woman do it and don't have problems. Good luck with the doc visit and remember to be a lady and keep both feet on the ground!!!!!! But feel free to use your hands, he cute.

Aurora said...

I'm sorry to hear about your back problems. Jeffrey & I have both suffered with bad backs for many years so I understand your frustration and pain. I love my Chiropractor and I hope you find Dr. Ken is able to help. Just look into his eyes and you won't feel a thing.LOL
Hope to see you at Coronation this weekend.
Big Kisses,

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

I have has similar issues to looking like an old man standing like a question mark when I was younger, but weights have helped with that, over time.

As for the neck and shoulder, I had a chiropractor crack my neck, and that does the trick (also avoids headaches). I never go now, but I crack my own neck every day. Hope he can help.

Sam said...

Girl. Several years ago Bill and I were in a minor accident. Well Bill convinces me to go to a chiropractor for my small aches and pains.
Ho never again.
When someone twist you neck and you blank out for a nano second, something just aint right about it.
Good luck though.
Hey what a great beginning for a love story, huh.

Beth said...

Based on your Facebook update, sounds like it was a positive visit! With a face like that, how could it NOT be?!

I hope you are able to get some relief. Hugs, Beth

Mark in DE said...

Good luck with the appt. I hope it brings you some relief.

Kyle said...

Miss G, sorry you were in so much pain and couldn't get relief. Even if the appointment doesn't work to easy the pain, maybe seeing him will distract you a little?


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