Boy Ginger's Back....

No, he's not been away. Miss G is referring to his spine. Our spine. (Damn, speaking of dual gender identity in the 3rd person is difficult!) Anyway, it hurts!

It has hurt for YEARS!! Boy G remember vividly the first time it gave him problems. It was August of 1988. He was at work, walking down the aisle, not a care in the world, and BAM! It was like someone shot him in the back! He doubled over and fell to the floor in pain! Once someone came over and helped him to his feet, he could not stand erect (no cracks, bitches!) and spent the next few weeks slumped over like an old man! The doctor gave him anti-inflamatories and muscle relaxers, but his life has not been the same since!

Since then, he's seen orthopedic surgeons, chiropractors, physical therapists, massage therapists, podiatrists, chiropodists, massage therapists, and even an accupuncturist! Nothing helps!

It's not terrible all the time. To understand the way he describes it, think of one of those little toy dancing dolls you get at Disneyland. You know, the ones with elastic through the legs... it's tight when it's untouched, but when you push the little button at the bottom, the elastic relaxes and the little monkey dances and wiggles and everyone giggles. Well, in Boy G, someone took the elastic out that runs from his left foot to the base of his neck and replaced it with a stiff, rigid wire... a rod, almost! On the best of days, it's like a stiff wire that doesn't bend as easily as the rest of the body. On the worst days (or weeks, like the last few) things sieze up all around it, making everyday motions painful. Currently, it's siezed up around the right side of Boy G's neck, and there's another spot under his left shoulder blade. That point feels like someone shoved a screwdriver up under his shoulder blade and left it there! Misery!

Anti-inflamatories (NSAIDS) don't help. Muscle relaxers don't really help other than inducing sleep. Immobilization just makes things get stiffer. The closest we can get to relief is to alternate cold compresses (ice packs) and heat therapy (hot baths). It may not fix anything, but at least the bath part feels good! After the quack of an accupuncturist and the $7,000 bill from the best of the physical therapists (not on the insurance plan!) the Gingers pretty much decided they were doomed to a life of misery. She's grown tired of doctors telling her that her back hurts because she is fat! She is fat because her back hurts too much to exercize! She's grown tired of doctors who tell her that her back hurts because she is old! She ain't that old- and the doctors who are telling her this are older than she is, and they are running marathons and shit!

So, at the Krewe's Red Explosion party the other day, she ran into Dr. Kenneth Lester, a local, gay, adorable chiropractor. She's known him socially for a while, not well, just casually, but her neck was killing her and the alcohol wasn't helping, so she walked up to Dr. Ken and said: "If I come and see you professionally, do you think you can do something about my back and neck, or will you just tell me it's because I'm old and fat like everyone else does?!" Dr. Ken flashed me that adporable smile and said "I promise you it's not because you are old and fat! It's about having less pain today than you did yesterday. Come see me and we'll come up with a plan!"

Sooo, Boy G is going to visit Kirby Health and Wellness tomorrow. Even if it doesn't help, the eye candy will be worth the appointment!