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Sunday, October 5, 2008

Project Runway Comes into the Homestretch!

Now that she is caught up with DVR, Miss G is a little saddened that Project Runway's 5 year romp is coming to a close! If you haven't been keeping up with the show, shame on you! All is not lost, however! Ginger Snap extraordinaire and head Dust Bunny David Dust has been recapping the show all season in his inimitable style, so check his blog and be prepared to laugh your ass off! Now, Miss G won't even begin to take on David's hilarious recaps, but she has decided to pull out her crystal ball and predict the future a bit!

Before the presentation of the final collections, Tim Gunn always pays a trip to the designer’s homes, to give us some insight into the squalor of their daily lives and underscore to our heart strings the true need for winning that each designer's pathetic existence demonstrates. Oh, the drama. Here's how she thinks the episode will play out.

First, Tim drives up to a beautiful marina in Pompano Beach, FL in his Saturn Sky Roadster, looking dapper in his Rayban sunglasses, yet still squinting in the bright sun. The camera pans across the bay to sailboats and yachts, Tim parks, and walks past more boats and yachts until he finally comes to the berth of Kenley’s dreadful tugboat. Amid the filth of the tugboat, a radiant Kenley emerges from below deck, in too tight dark denim capris, with a tied-at-the-waist red sleeveless woven, a matching kerchief in her hair, and wayyyy too much red lipstick for us to believe she was coming up to swab the decks. She waves Tim aboard, and the boat moves as Tim tries to step from the dock. Tim shrieks. Kenley snorts and puts her hand over her mouth. They hug. Tim wrinkles his nose at the camera.
Below deck, Kenley shows Tim to the tiny Crew Cabin she has converted to her quarters/studio/stank chamber. She has removed the lower bunk to make room for her late mother’s old sewing machine (cue tears), and because the quarters are so tight, she has to take her garments up to hang on the deck railing for Tim’s scrutiny. She shows a look with white peg leg pants and a red knit top. “And look!” she exudes. “I made a little sailor hat to go with it!” “Isn’t it a little Gilliganish?” observes Tim. “It’s not Gilligan!” replies Kenley. Her next look is denim hotpants, with a tied-at-the-waist red sleeveless woven and a matching kerchief. “It’s very Maryanne”, comments Tim. “It’s not Maryanne”, whines Kenley. Finally, Kenley pulls out a long white evening gown, with a slit up the side and graphic detailing near the ankle. “Stunning! Just be sure it doesn’t get too Ginger Grant on us”, advises Tim. “I LOVE Ginger Grant!” says Kenley, and with that Tim steps back to the dock and chides “just don’t get stuck in the 60’s! Make it work!”

Next, Tim tools down I-45 south toward the Emerald City skyline view of Miss G’s place of residence, Houston. We see him driving past Neiman Marcus and the Galleria, through the shops of Highland Village and Rice Village, past the Mecom Fountains, and through the University of Houston, coming to a stop at a small white house badly in need of paint and a new roof. There’s no doorbell, so Tim knocks. Muffled shouts from several different high-pitched voices emerge from the house. The door opens, and Jerrell sticks his pixie-hat topped head out. Except for the fact that he’s wearing a hat, he looks like he has just awakened. Tim enters and looks around the room, which appears as if a fabric store and a dress shop have collided. There are tranny ho’s in various stages of dress milling about the, and they are neither acknowledged nor ignored, but simply treated as part of the d├ęcor. “It looks like you’ve been working!’ says Tim, to whom a tired looking Jerrell replies “Oh, gurl, you don’t know the half of it!”
Jerrell pulls out a wobbly-ass rusted chrome rolling rack, and shows Tim one stunning gown after another. “These fabrics are exquisite!” drools Tim. “How can you afford such luxury?” “Oh, I have a couple of sideline businesses” replies Jerrell, smacking the seat of a passing tranny ho as he holds a bent spoon over the open flame of the stove. Tim looks befuddled, and trips over a passed out tranny ho as he advises “make it work!”
After a commercial for the Saturn roadster, we return to find Tim driving down a winding highway in rural Arkansas. We pass fields with horses, cows, and other sundry farm animals. We see close-ups of flowers, bees, and butterflies. Tim pulls up to a small house surrounded by a hurricane fence. There is no grass. A filthy child plays in the dirt. A dog barks. The screen door opens with a screech, and Korto appears in a long yellow tied-dyed dashiki with a matching do rag. She is barefoot. Tim struggles with the stubborn waist high gate, and finally he and Korto are reunited on the tiny porch.
Inside, the house is pretty much empty except for a sewing machine on a folding table, another table with neat stacks of fabric bolts, and a dress form wearing a bright yellow satin dashiki with a dramatic gathered neckline. “It’s very Korto” observes Tim, to which Korto replies “Ya think? I don’t know.” She pulls another look out nowhere and says “I’m not sure where I’m going with this one”. Tim asks if she has more to show him, and Korto replies “not yet!” Tim reminds her that she only has 6 months to make a decision on her next outfit, and reinforces that he is sure she will “make it work”.


Finally, Tim drives down a tree-lined street to a small, 30’s era apartment building of brown and tan stucco. He walks down the breezeway and pushes the button on the little plastic doorbell in a box thing on the door that all of those buildings have. Leanne opens the door and whispers “Tim!” What a surprise!” Inside, the camera pans to rococo looking draperies, wood-and-velvet 30’s looking furniture and a kitschy kitchen from an issue of “Old House Interiors” magazine. “Have some tea so you can see my workroom”, and as they drink from tiny little cups they both shrink down to Barbie-doll size so they can fit down the diminishing hall to Leanne’s studio. She opens the tiny little door, and the sun-filled room is alive with tiny wildlife. A squirrel runs in a cage to power the sewing machine, which is commandeered by a raccoon wearing his glasses on a chain. 3 mice are running up and down a dress form with a giant needle, stitching a zipper into place. “My friends are helping me with some finishing touches” whispers Leanne, to which Tim replies “as long as you are the only person working on the garments, I don’t see how anyone could have an issue.” The fashion show begins as tiny bluebirds work in pairs to fly one look after another past Tim, each with a shoulder of the perfectly crafted garment in their beak. “Here’s a look for a tea-party”, explains Leanne. “And here’s one for the Princesses ball”. “And this dress would be perfect for a date with a handsome prince!” “I like what I’m seeing,” says Tim. “But don’t bore Nina!” he prompts, accepting an oversize cup of tea from Leanne for his trip back up the hallway.
Miss Ginger predicts that Jerrell or Korto will win, Leanne will cry, and Kenley will pout. Watch what happens!

4 comments:

David Dust said...

I just hope Tim makes it out of the Stank Chamber in one piece!!

Funny stuff!!!

XOXOXO

Say What?! said...

OMG, this is my favorite show! I have missed several episodes now and I can't wait to see the reruns. I love your recap!
Laura

Dannelle said...

Just the way I picture it! Too funny- I love Tim Gunn. This is one of my favorite shows. Dannelle

Indigo said...

I have totally missed the last few episodes, now you have me looking it up so I know when it's on again. (Hugs)Indigo

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