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Monday, May 31, 2010

Miss Ginger's Flagpole

Getting Miss Ginger out to the beach is, as I'm sure you can imagine, quite a kerfuffle! By the time she's packed up her swimsuits, coverups, beauty products, beverages, and entertainment, there's never room in the car for a flagpole!

Luckily, Miss G has always been able to depend upon the kindness of strangers, and has always been able to come up with a reasonably serviceable substitute!



















Let's all remember the men and women who have given their lives to protect our freedom!

By the way, if you like these pics, you can check out lots more at BBPics.com!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Here it Comes...

.... and BP has not succeeded in the slightest to stop the flow of oil. Not only is the oil headed to the coast, but hurricane season is on it's way. It starts Tuesday, and of course, the Gulf Coast is among the high risk areas for a hurricane strike in any given year.



















NOAA has even issued a "fact sheet" explaining what could happen if a hurricane came across the spill. Depending on how the storm tracks, massive amounts of oil could foul the wetlands anywhere from Texas to Florida.

What is it going to take to get the assholes at BP to stop that thing up? A Unified Command has been created to manage response to the spill, but where's the Unified Effort to stop the damn thing? Looks to me like we are standing around waiting for BP to clean up it's mess, but to Miss Ginger that makes about as much sense as waiting around for a baby to change it's own diaper!


The next Acme Product that the Wile E Coyotes at BP are going to try is a "Lower Marine Riser Package" which is coyotespeak for "huge-ass rubber plug". They are first going to cut the broken riser pipe off of the well-head, which makes the most sense of anything they have tried yet.















If that doesn't work, they may have to send Wile E down there to cut the riser himself. Then he could drop a giant boulder over the end of the pipe and the problem would be solved!






I certainly hope no one would consider pulling into a BP station for a fill-up after this disaster!

Friday, May 28, 2010

All We Are Saying.....

...is give peas a chance!!


Let's all pray for peas this Memorial Day weekend!


Bring home the troops!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The Smells of Childhood....

...as remembered by Miss Ginger!

Miss Ginger has read somewhere that fragrances are the most remembered human perception. We may or may not remember sights or sounds, but are likely to always recognize scent. Such was the case today when a lady at the store was wearing Oscar de la Renta fragrance. It made Miss G whirl in her shoes when she caught a whiff of it, because that was the only fragrance Momma Ginger ever wore! Actually, Momma G was allergic to most perfumes, but her "fragrant luxury" was Oscar de la Renta Dusting Powder, applied lightly after she took a shower! Miss G has always associated the scent with Momma and cleanliness, two of her favorite things on Earth! It got Miss G to thinking about other childhood smells.

My maternal grandmother Zha Zha (that's a whole 'nother blog post!) used Rose Milk hand lotion... the kind they used to advertise on the Lawrence Welk Show! It used to come in a pump bottle shaped like a milk can, but apparently now comes in this plain, non-descript bottle. Many people find the milky rose smell kinda icky and "old ladyish", but it reminds me of my Zha Zha, so I love it very much!








The final of my fond childhood smell memories was a bush outside of my Great Aunt Nen's house, which Momma called a "magnolia fuscata". The buds looked like tiny little magnolia buds, no bigger than the tip of your little finger, and they opened into the tiny litte miniature replicas of a magnolia blossom. But they smelled like a heavenly mix of flowers and bananas, and when the morning sun warmed that bush on a spring morning you could smell it from blocks away! Aunt Nen loved the smell and liked to bring the blossoms indoors, but she found it too strong to have them indoors for too long. So she would put a handful of the buds into this little ceramic pot that she had, and would set the lid askew so the fragrance could waft out. Then, when it became too strong, she would situate the lid completely and "shut off" the fragrance for a while. Miss Ginger still has the pot in her kitchen, but alas has been unable to locate a magnolia fuscata shrub to plant in her yard!

Miss G also remembers some smells that were not so pleasant, but they still make her smile to remember as well.

Growing up, we had an Irish Setter named Holly (this is not actually her) that Miss G loved very much. As is common for the breed, Holly was prone to ear mites, and often got terrible ear infections from them. And when those ears got infected, Lord did that dog stink! When Momma G could take the smell no longer, she and Miss G would go to the vet to get a bottle of the pink ear wash that was the preferred treatment, at least in those days. We would take the poor dog on the back porch, and Momma would help me hold the dog and try to distract me from the HORRIBLE smell as I washed that putrid stuff out of her ears, trying to focus on Momma's soft, calm voice instead of the squirming dog or the nausea welling up in my throat! God, that was a horrible smell!

But, not as bad as the odor at one of Daddy G's best clients, Miscele's Meat Packers. Get your minds out of the gutters, people... it was a SLAUGHTERHOUSE, and it was one of the worst smelling places on Earth! Miss G only ever had to go there with Daddy a couple of times, and she never went past the front reception area, certainly never into the plant itself where there would be dead animals and uncontrollable stench! But that horrible odor started as one pulled into the parking lot, and even the offices stank to high heaven! Miss G remembers once saying to the receptionist "How do you stand it?" to which she replied "Oh, after awhile you don't even notice it!" I can't imagine ever getting used to that smell!

And Miss G's final olifactory memory for today: the pogy plant! South of Lake Charles, where Miss G grew up, was a little coastal town called Cameron, Louisiana. Near Cameron, where the ferry on Highway 27 crossed the Calcasieu Ship Channel, was a fish processing plant where they made fishmeal for fertilizer and animal feed. Fishing for Gulf Menhaden, or pogy, was a big commercial venture for the community. The fish are similar to the menhaden that are used to make sardines, but due to the heat in the Gulf Coast area, they can't be fished successfully for human consumption because their tiny little bodies begin to spoil too rapidly. So, vessels full of rotten fish would pull up to this plant to have have their cargo offloaded, ground, and packaged. When we would go fishing we would boat right past it! As we approached it we always hoped for calm waters and no wake from the ferry. Then we would shout "Floor it, Frank!", and as Daddy G gunned the engines to speed us by we would take a huge gulp of air and try to hold our breath until we made it past the plant! You can't even IMAGINE the horrible stench of that place, but Miss G can remember it like it was yesterday!!
I hope you have enjoyed this sniff back in time! What are some of the fragrances and odors you remember best?!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

You've Come A Long Way, Baby!


Linds, honey, you have come a long way from the days when you played those precocious little twins!!




















Just look at you now, dear!! The jet black hair is a bit harsh, dontcha think? And I know you're trying to appear respectable in court, but I think you'd be better off turning up the color and turning down the boobage, just a tad!















Well, at least you're gonna get some new jewelry out of the deal. The judge has ordered you to trade up this lovely piece of bling for one that monitors the alcohol in your sweat. Nice upgrade.
What's next? A chastity belt for your nose to keep the coke out? You'd better clean up your act, precious, or you're gonna end up sitting next to Amy Winehouse on the losers tour!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Miss Ginger's Consumer Product Reviews are Back!!

They're back!! Miss G has promised you a couple of Consumer Product Reviews, so here they are!!

Miss Ginger has used juice extractors on and off for many years, in a feeble attempt to supplement her tragic diet of vodka and bar nuts with something a little healthier. She has a major issue with the texture and mouth-feel of all fruits and most vegetables, but juiced, she finds them almost tolerable. However, with most of the centrifugal juicers available in stores, the friction and ensuing heat make the juice separate and foam, which is almost as off-putting at being crunchy or smooshy.

The Hurom operates quite differently, however, and instead of a shredding blade, it has this industrial-strength auger that sort of "chews" the vegetables into juice and spits out the pulp, seeds and all. The side-by-side video is pretty compelling, and is really does work as shown. Plus, no clogging or stalling, and it's extremely easy to clean and reassemble!
















The Hurom gets 5 lipsticks!








Next: Zing Zang Bloody Mary Mix



Now, dear GingerSnaps, you must know the best Bloody Marys ever on the face of the Earth ere those made by Daddy G on Christmas Morning many moons ago, but alas, those are gone with the man who invented them, and are now just a fond memory. Eveyone makes a Bloody Mary a bit differently, and honestly, Miss G has never met a Bloody Mary she didn't like, but she will admit, some are better than others! That said, she has found that typical Bloody Mary mixes are tolerable a best, sadly dissapointing at their worst.

But for large parties and events, hand-mixed Bloody Marys are just not a practical option, so luckily, Miss Ginger has discovered Zing Zang Bloody Mary Mix!! It creates a consistently "rich" bloody mary, with plenty of spice, flavor, and, as the name says, "zing!" And, as Marjorie Dawes would say: "It's low in fat and low in fiber, so you can have as much Zing Zang as you like!"





Zing Zang definitely gets 5 lipsticks!!



Finally, the Google Chrome Web Browser:

Miss Ginger often finds herself frustrated with slow page-loads and worst-possible-moment page freezes when using Internet Explorer, which she considers to be one of the most over-used, underbuilt products on Earth. She downloaded Google Chrome on the recommendations of many others, expecting the holy grail of web browsing and an epiphany of internet speed and bandwidth efficiency.


While she's willing to concede some advantages, she's not ready to uninstall IE just yet. In fact, she's using IE right now.


She has found that for everyday browsing, blogreading, facebook gossiping, and bejeweled blitzing, Chrome excels with noticably faster speed and no page freezing.


However, Miss Ginger is finding that with applications that require interaction with other sorts of "helper" programs, like the page editor on blogger, Chrome doesn't work the same way as IE. For example, she's unable to drag pictures aroung the layout with Chrome, a task she does easily with IE. She has also found that it doesn't work reliably with the online players required to view some of her favorite internet "art films".


So, for that reason, she has to give Chrome 4 lipsticks.






Hope you've enjoyed these CPR's as much as Miss G has enjoyed making them! What should she review next?

Sunday, May 16, 2010

This Week in Gingerland!!

OMG so much going on, it may take Miss Ginger a week of posts to catch you all up!

Most importantly, BP has managed to insert a tube into the leaking pipe at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico to collect the fluids erupting uncontrollably from the Earth. Wonder where they got THAT idea?








Miss G spent Saturday at the tire store getting new tires for Veronique. Those low-profile tires, like most things Italian, sure are gorgeous, but also like most things Italian, are quite delicate!
Think about it- that last pair if Italian shoes you bought sure were pretty, but they lasted about a minute! Or take Franco here:
Sure, he's all rugged and beautiful on the outside, but you know he's a big ole momma's boy who cries at the opera! Miss Ginger is so facinated by this phenomena that she has planned a trip to Italy this summer to research it more for you! Stay tuned for those plans and more "Summer Travels with Miss Ginger!"







And closer to home on the fundraising front, Soiree Pelouse was this weekend, but Miss Ginger took a pass. It's not like her to skip a benefit party, especially one that benefits Legacy, but there was something about this one that bugged her. Long ago, for many years, there was a party in Houston called "The Garden Party" that took place every summer on a Sunday afternoon. Since it's demise, LOTS of different groups have organized various and sundry afternoon parties on Sunday, yet none have had the AUDACITY to claim a connection to Garden Party, until this one. It happens on a Sunday afternoon- that's about the only link it has!


Plus, hanging out with a bunch of people dressed as Oompa Loompas on a hot summer afternoon just did not seem like Miss G's idea of a good time. Color her jaded.


Instead, Miss G got some gardening done, spent some time with a dear drag sister who is distraught over the end of a 10 year relationship, and took a nap with the kitties. Good times!
Watch for more News from Gingerland this week as Miss G returns to NOLA, reviews a new kitchen appliance, and shops for clothes for her upcoming engagements!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Demotivated

Miss Ginger and the kitties just can't seem to get motivated. This house is a wreck! The guest room has piles of junk. The closet looks like a drag queen and a business man exploded in there. The dining room table is piled with (thankfully clean) dishes from last Sunday's party. The cat box needs to be cleaned. And the car is sitting in the garage with a flat tire!!


So what are the Ginger's doing about it?

1. Miss Ginger keeps the door to the guest room closed...


2. Both Ginger's get dressed out of the dryer...


3. We eat out..


4. Jack pees by the back door...


5. Miss Ginger drives the truck.





And no one around here seems to give a shit! Least of all Miss G! The tire has been flat for a week, and oye, she's not up to dealing with that! Remembering the last time she had to buy tires, she's thinking of trading in the car!!





As for the rest of it, she can't even leave it for Celia... she's in Mexico celebrating her 50th wedding anniversary with the husband she never sees because he can't get a green card. How inconsiderate is that?! Her sister Inez is coming tomorrow to shovel out the cat hair and wash the sheets, but she doesn't even know where the rest of that stuff belongs! Miss G is gonna have to get up and help her put it all away. Or maybe she could just clean around it....

And Miss G isn't even sure where all this mess comes from! She certainly doesn't make such a mess... and Boy G SWEARS it's not him! Sure, those cats are messy, but they are WAY too lazy to have created this disaster!


What Miss G needs is a butler! A proper English Butler, to keep an eye on things when she's not around, and to keep the rest of the staff on their toes!

Where on Earth will Miss G find one of those?

I wonder if she has enough Continental miles for a trip to London?

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Dancing With the Studs!!

Miss Ginger's RoundUp is right around the corner, and this gurl needs to get busy rounding up some FABULOUS western duds to wear! This year, she's adding a C&W dance contest called "Dancing With the Studs" to see if we can get some tight-jeaned cowboys twirling around the BRB! That outta squeeze some dollars outta their pockets!!

There'll also be lots of food, booze, and community performances to make your weekend slip smoothly into Sunday! You can reserve a table for $250, and catch it all stage-side from a comfortable chair! Contact Miss G at ggrant008@aol.com for table reservations, or for performance or contest information!

Of course, the FABULOUS Miss Ginger doesn't do this for herself! It's all to benefit Legacy Community Health Services in their fight to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS and other STD's in the communities that are most at risk!

Hope to see you all at the hottest shin-dig this side of the Brazos!!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

No News is, Well, No News....

It's still leaking. BP is clearly woefully negligent. And now my friends in New Orleans are reporting that the whole city smells like diesel fuel. I guess Miss G will find out for herself next week. It's so, so sad.







Mr. Cushing has revealed that he tested positive for HGc, which is NOT a steroid. It is a compound frequently taken by steroid users between "cycles" to reverse the tesicular shrinkage caused by steroid use. That is SO much better. Miss Ginger is certain he is doing this out of consideration for her, just in case she decides she would enjoy a little "teabagging". Which she might, if Sarah Palin and her ilk had not ruined that word for the rest of us!!!


Sunday, May 9, 2010

Ketchup...

Okay, quickly, before Miss G passes out from exhaustion, is a chance for you to catch up:

Tomorrow is the underwriter "Booze and Schmooze" that Miss G is hosting to (hopefully) convince folks to underwrite the ball this year. Her plan is to get them drunk the minute they hit the door and convince them to write a check while they still have some control of their motor skills. Wish me luck! While Celia's sister cleaned the house today (long story), Boy G cleaned the yard so Miss G could plant some pretty flowers. They completly skipped spring gardening this year and went straight to summer, selecting heat tolerant plants that won't burn up since it is already swealtering in Texas! Pictures later.





She's also been hard at work trying to get the first fundraiser of the year to come to life, and has finally set a date and a venue. That's a load off of her mind... the venue is the hardest part. After that, it's all smooth sailing!











In other news:

The box didn't work. Color Miss Ginger surprised. What's next? A giant shop vac outfitted with a humongous coffee filter to separate the oil from the water? Meanwhile, tar balls are washing up in Alabama. Believe it or not, Alabama actually just got grosser!





AND:

Mr. Cushing swears the illegal substance wasn't steroids. And Miss Ginger wants to believe him. She's even given him his key back. But, he's going to have to sleep in the guest room until she's sure. She can't be having a 265 lb. hunk of burning love going off on her in a 'roid rage with her busy schedule! She doesn't have time for such drama!


AND FINALLY:
Betty White on SNL! What a hoot! Miss G will be laughing about "Wizard of Ass" for a long, long time!

Friday, May 7, 2010

A Scandalous Update from GingerLand!

Remember this post where Miss G asked "what's not to love about Houston Texan's linebacker Brian Cushing?



Well, apparently the Ex Mr. Ginger has little substance abuse problem, according to the Houston Chronicle!

Now, Miss Ginger is a patient type and will put up with a lot of transgressions! But DRUGS?! Really?! Is the love of Miss Ginger not enough to keep you high on life?!

Proof positive: a good man is hard to find!!

This Might Be Funny...

if it weren't so tragic!

According to the Houston Chronicle, workers for BP have created a "big box" to cover the spewing hole on the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico. They are hoping to control the flow of oil until they can figure out how to "plug the hole". They may have to plug the hole from the "bottom". The opportunities for sophmoric entendre are endless. Yes, Miss Ginger LOVES a "big box", and yada yada yada. Yet Miss G just doesn't have it in her to joke about it. It's just not funny!


And look at this thing!! It looks like something 2 coon ass guys from Ville Platte would make out of old fishing boats with an acetelyne torch and a few cases of Bondo!







"Hey, Pierre, here's what we gonna do. We gonna go down to ole man Boudreauxs' and get them fishin' boats he has piled up behind da boathouse. Den, we gonna borrow Mr. Lancon's weldin' torch, and we gonna weld dem boats together to make a great big box. Den, we'll take some Bondo and putty dem so it will be nice and tight. Den, once we're done, we'll call T-Claude and Little Pierre to bring their dredgin' barge, and we'll haul it out there and drop it over da hole! Now, you go get da torch, and I'll go over to da Time Savr to get us some beer! We gonna need at least a coupla cases!"

"Tienne, you a GENIUS!"

"Pierre, what you think I did that whole time I was at LSU, jus party and drink beer?!"


Now, Miss Ginger's knowledge of the petroleum industry is rudimentary, to say the least, but there are a few things she does know:





1. That shit is gonna come out of there under extremely high pressure.
2. There will be a volatile mix of oil, gas, and God only knows what else.
3. At some point the gas has to be released and flared off.
4. This feat of "cubic engineering" was conceived and constructed in less than 11 days.
5. Nothing like this has ever been done before.
6. It looks like a porta-potty.

As much as Miss G wants this to work, please forgive her if she is a bit dubious!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Cinco de Moron!!!

Tonight is Cinco de Mayo, a super party op here in Texas! Since we have a co-worker who is moving to the corporate office in the Big Apple, we decided a Cinco de Mayo send off at a Tex-Mex place near her home would be a good idea! WRONG!!

We went to a place called Terlingua Texas Border Cafe on Studemont, right next to her apartment complex. Miss G has passed it a thousand times on her way into and out of the "hood", so it's been on her "bucket list" for a while!


Good God, was that place horrible! We had a beautiful table on the patio that Christine scoped out around 5:30ish, long before the place got crowded. Miss G got there aroung 6, and waited a good 15 minutes before a waiter came to take her order. After another 30 minutes or so, her "frozen" margarita arrived, looking more like a urine sample than a frozen cocktail. In her immense thirst she accepted it, thank goodness, because her next one was more than an hour later! After more randomly interspersed drinks and an eventual order of food, Miss Ginger decided the place wasn't worth her time of day, so we settled and left.

On the way out, Miss G couldn't leave well enough alone, so she went back in and walked up to the solitary white guy in the place, festively decked out in his Dockers and Izod shirt. She walked up behind him and stared daggers into his shoulder at the flat screen register thingy for a good 2 minutes, when she finally put her hand gently on his shoulder and said "hey, dude, are you the manager?" The guy whipped around like a raped ape and and said "yeah", and Miss G said, in her softest Southern accent: "I just wanted to let you know that even though we tipped well, the service tonight sucked!' And do you know what he said?! He said "yea, I know!" To which Miss G said "does it always suck like this?" and he said "no, it's Cinco de Mayo!"

"Really?!" says Miss G, patronizingly? "It's May 5th?! Did that sneak up on you?"
"Well, no," says the douchebag, "we knew it was coming."
"Is this level of service acceptable to you?", asked Miss Ginger?
"Well, it's the best we can do under the circumstances!"
Miss G won't be back.
Zero lipsticks!!!

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